A Hand To Pull the Trigger
by Lady of the Cards
Summary: Roxas feels invisble and unwanted and he just wants it all to be over. He meets Axel who claims he can help him. Help him with his death, that is. Please read and review!
1. The train

Hi! This would happen to be my first fanfic. nervous Uhh...' Enjoy?

This chapter is kinda short...hehe? If it's an ok beginning, I'll continue to write and possibly complete it. If not, then I'll probably re-write this to make it better or totally kill the idea.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts! Or any of it characters!

By the way: This is from Roxas's point of view. Also, I couldn't think of a city so I kinda just said, "hey lets make 'em live somewhere totally made up! Thus, Dagmar was created:)

Warnings: It's kinda morbid. It deals with suicide. I decided to keept it's rating at T. It's not that bad. Oh and there is the "F" word in it. Umm...that's about it. Also there's burger dropping, hehe. :D (that wasn't a very good joke)

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**Chapter One: The Train**

_Thud._

"Hey, I'm sor-," he doesn't even turn around to me, after I bump into him. Maybe he's _that_ important. He is wearing a black suit you only see the big wigs wear. He's probably in a rush. Needs to get somewhere fast, like a business meeting or maybe even home. It is almost six afterall. But still, why not stop and say sorry? Am I not important enough? Probably.

What a prick.

* * *

_Thud._

My burger is on the ground and my lunch now belongs to the filthy streets of Dagmar. _Great. _I'm not letting this one get away as easily as before. "Excuse me miss. You bumped into the me and my lunch has-"

"Huh?" The lady turns around and looks at me with the most empty eyes in the world. They lack emotion and motivation. But some how enough motivation to do her make-up like a tramp.

"You bumped into me and I dropped my-"

"I don't have time for this." She turns on her prissy, red heels and walks away. Just walked _away_. How could one person care so much about the application of their eyeliner but no so much as about someone's lunch? A lunch _they_ ruined? It was their fault they were so careless. Even if they didn't have the money to replace it, a simple "sorry" would have suficed. Am I not worth the trouble? Probably.

What a prick.

* * *

Night time in Dagmar is a scary place. Dangerous people with knives, guns, and drugs. Out of my sixteen years of living here, I'm really lucky I haven't been confronted with danger. Sometimes I've doubted the danger but there's always reports of murders, attacks, and shady deals. Maybe it's there and I'm just ignoring it. Or it's ignoring me.

Am I really that invisible?

I don't have a curfew and I think anyone could care less about what time I get home. I'd like to believe my mom hasn't forgotten about me but ever since her boyfriend, I just feel out of the circle. School? I miss so much I don't think the teachers even bother checking if I'm there. I've shoplifted several times, I thought the security was just being lazy or stupid, but how can they catch something they could care less about? People, like the ones I ran into today, don't stop when I say a hello or give them an apology. And others, like that woman, don't bother listening to what I have to say. If I were them, I would stop. No one deserves to feel me.

Invisible.

Unwanted.

And probably unmissed.

The train's almost here. I'm standing past the yellow line they draw for precaution. Everyone's watching but no one cares. I could just push off. Bend the knees and quickly push up. I better hurry, it's getting closer. Just need to bend my knees, then push off. "Dammit," I swear seeing my knees lock in place. "Just go." I didn't have to jump. I could just walk off. Lift the right foot, move it forward, and attempt to put it down on the empty space. Thus, I fall.

"No use." My feet are stuck. It's getting closer. Thoses eerie yellow lights are getting larger and coming into focus.

_Just bend, then push up._

_Lift the right foot, move it forward, and attempt to put it down on empty space._

_Just bend, then push up._

_Lift the right foot, move it forward, and attempt to put it down on empty space._

"You know, if you're scared, I can push you."

My thought process stops and I whip my head to that voice. "What?" A teen, probably about my age is just standing to my right, past the yellow line with me, a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. His hands just rested in the pouch of his back hoodie which contrasted greatly to his flamboyant, crimson, spiked hair. He gave off the impression of a bad-ass who could care less.

"Don't worry. I've pushed some people before. It's really quick and painless."

"You'd do that for me?"

He rolled his teal-ish, aqua eyes. They looked so unreal, maybe he's wearing contacts. "Yeah, why not?"

I was wasting time but I couldn't believe my ears, "won't you get in trouble?"

He looked around, "we're over the line. Doesn't seem like anyone gives a fuck about anything." I couldn't pick my next words. I wanted to say yes but I didn't understand why he would help me. He was the first person to really notice me. The first person to care. Care enough to end my misery. But, I stood there like a bumbling idiot, staring at him with mouth slightly agape. The train passes and people get off and he gets on. "Looks like you missed your chance, maybe next time."

The doors began to close and he just stood on the other side of the train, smoking. It was prohibited but he didn't care, neither did others. Was he a person like me? Constantly getting ignored by others? He seemed to know how to deal with it. He wasn't dead yet. Maybe I could learn something from him. Probably.

From _this_ prick.

Without another thought , I ran forward into the train as the doors shut. The red-haired teen smiled at me and offered me a cigarette. "Name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

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Whee! The first chapter! Sorry it's short. I didn't think too much about it. Just started writing-er-typing. I hope it wasn't too terrible unbearable. Please review! And be nice, please? Thanks!

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	2. The Building

I decided to put chapter two up before any reviews 'cause it's kinda unfair the last was so short. '

When I was reading over the first chapter I was like, "wow, this is really morbid. Even for me." So I decided to add maybe little tid-bits of humor. You know, comic relief. :D

Umm...anything else? Yeah, again, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters. But I do own the made-up city they live in.

With that out of the way, enjoy!

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**Chapter 2: The Building**

"Axel." I nodded at him in recognition. "I'm Roxas." I took a ciagarette out from the pack and he had a lit match ready for me. This would be the second time I've smoked in my life. Not specifically the second cigarette but the second time I've tried to smoke. The first was about the first month of freshman year. Going into high school introduced me to new things. One of those things had to be drinking, cigarettes, and drugs. I learned I couldn't hold my liquor, so I never tried that again. Drugs, tried them once and they were ok. I just didn't know where to get them. Smoking: eh. It was just_ there_. It's been about a year since I had a smoke so, I don't expect myself to suck the ash so smoothly.

Heh. I'm so predictable.

"Hey, hey! Take it easy. I know ya wanna die but there's better ways." Axel patted my back as I tried to rid the ash from my system. "Better?"

I straighten up and coughed out a thanks. My blue eyes examined the scenery. We were going into the even worse part of Dagmar. "Hey, are we heading for the underground?" The underground was what I, and everyone else, including the inhabitants, thought to be the worst of the bad. My apartment was in the ,what you would call: average district, where the apartments were ok, not perfect, but you could live in them. But the underground looks like it went through hell, back, and a nuclear war. I've been there once with my mom and dad, when he was still part of our family. It was just one trip. Our local grocery store was closed for the day due to remodeling, and "The Well Market" was the closest thing to our home. Through the years, I've forgotten the details of what we needed but I remember those people faces like it was yesterday. Hostile eyes, shady attitudes, anything that told your instincts they were bad. Though my experience, I learned I never wanted to go back.

"Yeah. We're going to my place."

_Too late._

* * *

"Next stop. Dagmar, Industrial District." The recorded woman's voice sounded so calm. If she were really here, she'd be running for her life. The train was like some kind of portal to an alternate dimension. The Dagmar we came from was heaven and the underground was hell. The yellowish faded tiles that we walked on before entering the train had now turned to nothing but a dirt floor with a few pieces of tile that were unfortunate enough to be cracked. We walked up the piss-poor stairs and I scrunched my nose at the sight and smell of the city.

It was just as I remembered but worse. There were prostitutes all over the place. Thanks to my "invisibility" I didn't get any unwanted attention from them. Shady guys all over the streets selling things, doing drugs, hiding guns, I don't know and I don't want to. My red graphic tee and blue jeans made me feel like a fish out of water and much more rich compared to these people, even though I did get these clothes from a thrift store. Axel seemed to fit in with his hoodie and tight black pants. If I never talked to him, I would just assume he's just as shady as any of these men. But maybe it wasn't too late to assume by the way he was talking to a man hunched on the ground in an alley.

Axel handed him some money and the man with the brown beard and the scruffy clothes handed him something in return. I couldn't see it but my mind thought the worse: drugs. I could feel my heart sink. _My savior is an addict?_ "Sorry about that," he walked back to me, stuffing the unknown substance in his hoodie pocket, "let's go." I would have asked but why would he tell me? I'm just some random kid he asked to follow.

This mutilated excuse for a city was some labyrinth. Left, right, right, left. I don't understand how Axel knew his way around. The street signs had been graffititied over, making them illegible. We walked past many shady folks. I couldn't help but to walk closer to Axel every time we passed one. He was just as shady as anyone else in the underground but something drew me to him, maybe it was the fact that he cared about me enough to kill me was enough to trust him.

* * *

"We're here." He stopped abruptly in front of a three story, brown building. He walked up the porch steps and opened the door. No lock? Inside it looked just as gross as the subways under us. There were mysterious blotches on the wall which I assue to be urine. Axel walked up the stairs and I followed close behind. We got the second floor and a woman, that was barely dressed came past us down the stairs, but he ignored her and kept on walking up. Just as we turned the corner on the stairs to go up we heard a voice call out.

"Hey, Axel!" My red-haired acquaintance looked up at the sound of his name. He called for Axel but his eyes met mine. What I don't understand is why I pay such close attention to eyes. Especially today. The woman with the dull eyes, Axel's teal eyes, and this guy's: a beautiful sky blue. His hair was a sandy blonde, styled in a mullet, which instantly reminded me of a beach. Or, maybe I though of a beach because of the gray shirt he was wearing had some faded design of a beach along with the words, "Hang Ten!" wrapped around it. "Is he your next client? Looks a bit young." He had a smile on his face which was very welcoming. Not scary or hostile. Just nice, warm, and carefree. I wish I could smile like that.

"I guess you could say that. I would introduce you but we'll be done by tonight." He walked up, past the teen that didn't look too much older than me and turned right into a hallways. I followed behind and continued to look at him. The surfer boy was still watching me as I followed Axel.

"Keep it clean, ok?" He gave a friendly salute and Axel just let out a grunt. "Oh, and Axel?" He kept on walking. There was a long silence between them before Axel stopped. He didn't turn around. The sandy blonde teen's smile didn't faded but not completely. It just became less than what it was a moment ago. I could tell he was trying to smile through a frown. "Lexaeus. He-" he took a deep breath and glanced downward at his shoes before looking back up. "Lexaeus took it like a man today." His smile was back. It was an even greater smile than before when I first saw him. _He's trying too hard to hide his pain._

Axel sighed and threw his current cigarette out of his mouth. It wasn't even finished yet. "Good for him." And he kept on walking down the hall and stopped at a door with the number 813 on it. His hand reached down in his pouch and looked around for keys. He found them and put them in the door knob.

"Axel, who was he?" He turned the door knob and pushed the door open.

"No one you need to concern yourself with." I followed him in. His apartment was very empty, small, single-roomed and more unattended than unclean. The kitchen portion looked untouched except the fridge. There was nothing in there that looked to be of entertainment. Not even a TV. There was a wooden table in the middle of the room with two chairs. Also, there was two beds in the room, one in opposite corners. To my surprise there was a large shelf that caught my attention when I first walked in. It had the most random things on it: drawn pictures, photographs, a stuffed animal, a knife, a wind chime, and many other odd things. I was most curious about the black journal that sat on the shelf. Was Axel a writer? Or was he one of those type of people to keep a journal about his life? He certainly didn't seem to be the type. "Do you want a drink?"

His voice caught me off guard. "Sure." He walked over the his yellowing refrigerator and pulled out two beers. Setting it down on the table, he plopped down in a chair and opened the can. "Sorry, I don't like drinking." I gave him a nervous smile as I sat down at the table across from him. Darkness didn't do him any justice. It only made him seem even scarier. Those purple triangles under his eyes just made him look cynical.

"Too bad, it's the only thing I got. Besides, you're going to need it." He took a long drink from his and I opened up my beer. The smell of alcohol only made me think of my first time drinking. If I remember correctly (I had too much that night) I was at a Halloween party with my friends. Beer and punch were the only beverage there but they both had alcohol in it. I thought it was cool to be drinking but the next day I spent it huddled over a toilet.

"Are you really going to kill me?" Axel choked on his drink and leaned over to stiffle himself from coughing it up. When he looked up at me, I could see anger in his eyes.

"Don't ever say that. I'm not killing you. I'm _aiding_ you in your death." He sat up and looked at me with narrowed eyes. _What the hell did I do? It was just a question._ "I'm not a murderer. Don't clump me together with them." His eyes softened and he returned to his drink.

"Sorry." I winced as I swallowed the disgusting fluid down my throat. "Do you-"

"Hey, kid. Not so many questions. Let's just get this over with." He stood up and drained his beer. The can was slammed onto the table with a audible _clink._ I put my unfinished beer down and stood up with him. "We're going to the roof." He turned to the door and walked out. I didn't question him as I followed him upstairs to the roof.

The sun was setting. It was that time of day where the blue sky was surrendering to the darkness of night. The last sunset I'll ever see. Axel closed the roof door behind me and pulled off his hoodie. It was quite humid but my tee shirt was fine. My assistant wore a black tank under which revealed how thin he was. I couldn't help but to stare at his waist. _I thought only girls could be that skinny._ He threw his right arm around the shoulder and led me to the edge of the building. A low chuckle escaped from his lips. "This is pleasant. You get this beautiful view just as you die. You better get it memorized 'cause this is the last piece of earth you're going to see." He tightened his grip on me, making it awkward but comfortable. "Just to let you know, this building is three-stories high. When you fall, try to go head first." He gave one last squeeze before letting me go and walking behind me. I didn't want to turn around, but I didn't need to. I knew what he was doing. I could hear the strike of a match and the smell of cigarette smoke before he ran forward. He went pretty far back just to push me. I guess he wanted me to have some momentum. His steps were getting louder, closer. I tried to keep my attention on the sunset but my stupid eyes couldn't help but to look at the ground. Fear overwhelmed me but it was instinct that told me to turn around and jump to the right.

_Good timing._

Axel turned to face me, face full of shock, when he was at the edge of the building, but he was going too fast to stop. He did a full 180 and fell backward off the side of this dump. Even with his thin, long arms, I couldn't catch him in time. I looked over the edge and watched him fall back first to the sidewalk. Even in death, I knew I would never forget those teal eyes filled with terror.

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Well compared to the first chapter, this is longer. But not long enough by my standards. I don't think Chapter 3 will be that much longer. Maybe it will, it's hard to say.

I hope you liked this chapter! Please review! I cannot stress this enough! It would make me feel so good inside to know if people actually like it or not!

Thanks again for reading!

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	3. The Fire

Yay! Finally a review! That makes me so happy! I know it seems creepy but it'll make sense later, I swear!

Again, for like the third time, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters. But I do own the world they live in and the lyrics that are later mentioned. Not like they're good enough to be worth stealing. XP

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**WARNING**: This chapter contains lots of **swearing** (as you can see from adverting your eyes down to the first sentence) and **very violent images**. I suggest this for teens **16 and up**. But if you feel mature enough to read this, than go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you!

Anyway, now that those are out of the way, back to the story! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 3: The Fire**

"YOU FUCKER! YOU BROKE MY FUCKING ASS!"I looked over the edge of the building. Axel looked ok, pretty flat, but ok and really mad. He was planted to the ground and I don't blame him. A three-story fall, right on his tush. Ow. I hope no bones are broken. "WHEN I GET UP I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" I got up and headed toward the door, I could hear Axel rummaging for a cigarette, "damn, where did that thing go?"

I ran down the stairs to the third floor and headed to the next set of stairs. I saw the surfer boy sitting at the top of the stairs but this time with a large guitar, or a bass. It didn't matter what it was, as long he had hands he could help me. "Hey, Axel fell off the roof! I think he's hurt!"

He chuckled back at me, "yeah, I can hear him from here! I got out my sitar but he's louder than this thing!"

"How can you laugh? He fell!"

He put down his sitar, got up and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about him, this isn't the first time he fell." I gave him a questioning look but he didn't give me an answer. "You should ask Axel about it, I'm sure he'd be _glad_ to tell you." Surfer boy let out another chuckle and calmly walked down the stairs with a sheepish smile on his face.

* * *

"DEMYX! THERE YOU ARE! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME!" Axel was struggling to prop himself up on his elbows but he just groaned and stayed flat on the ground.

"Sure did! _Ker-plop_," he snickered as he kneeled down and threw one of Axel's arms around his neck. "Hey, kid, help me, would ya?"

_Why did everyone call me kid?_ Doesn't matter. I had to help, it was _my_ fault after all. The fall caused Axel to be very limp. It was like carrying a rag doll. Luckily, he wasn't that heavy. I didn't expect him to be, not with a body like his. Demyx and I brought him inside. Before we could start heading up the stairs he stopped us, "wait, put me down here. You won't be able to carry me up like this. Plus, my legs hurt like hell." We did as he asked, and set him down on the third step, wincing at the pain in his rear. He leaned his spiked head against the wall and closed his eyes. "Demyx, get my smokes. They're on the roof in my shirt." Surfer boy nodded and ran up the stairs.

"Axel, I'm-"

"**SHOVE IT**!" He was in a lot of pain and it was _my_ fault. I should have just looked at the sunset like he told me but instead I had to be stupid and get all scared. I shook my head and got rid of my regrets. No use crying over spilt milk.

"Sorry." Axel opened his eyes and looked straight forward at me. Even though he was sitting he was at the same level as me. _God, he's tall. _I adverted my eyes to the ground, too ashamed to look him face-to-face.

"Roxas, come here," he grunted as he lifted up his arm, reaching out for me. I took a step forward. "Closer." I kept on moving closer until I was only inches away from his face, my eyes still looking down. Axel placed his hand on my shoulder and slipped it to under my head. His rough fingertips grabbed my chin and tilted my head up. I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. He let go and let his hand slide down to my neck, my face still looking at his. He was so smooth as he slyly leaned in forward, past my face to my ear. His hot breath brushed against my ear as he spoke, "I'm going to fucking kill you." My eyes shot wide open as his fingers closed around my neck. My hands darted up to pull him off but he was too stong. I could feel my eyes watering with pain, I was really about to die. _I wish it wasn't this painful._

"Hey, Axel, I just remembered I need- HOLY SHIT!" Demyx jumped down and pulled that red-haired demon off me. "HEY! That's not the way we do things! We **do not **commit murder! I know you're mad but try to think rationally."

"He moved. Fuckin' _moved_! What kind of man wimps out of a suicide!" He stood up quickly but fell to the floor as fast as he jumped.

Demyx sighed and grabbed one of Axel's arm to help him up. He thrust his arm to his chest, away from Demyx's grasp, and walked up the stairs alone. "Don't worry about him Roxas. He'll cool off and we'll find a better way to aid you." His warm smile came back and I suddenly thought of my mom.

* * *

_"Roxas? Where are you?" A woman in her late twenties ran around the apartment looking for her son, me. There was fear in her voice. "Sweetie? Come out!" She ran into the room that belonged to a boy no older than six. In the corner was a huddled boy. His knees tucked into his chest and his face buried in them with his arms covering his face from the light. The sun was shining through the open window on him, illuminating his untamed, blonde hair. "Roxas, what are you doing?" The woman kneeled down to his level and ruffled his hair. _

_"I was watching dad leave. I wanted to see him one more time." The woman smiled and drew him into her chest._

_"Don't worry. You'll see him again. Just have faith." She squeezed her hand into the bundled boy and lifted his face so he had to look at her. "Did you hear me? Have faith." She smiled warmly, hiding her sorrow._

_Just as Demyx was doing._

* * *

Demyx returned to lightly playing his sitar at the top of the stairs while I returned to Axel. The door was left unlocked. I guess he isn't_ that _mad. I pushed it open to find him laying on his stomach on one of the beds. He had a lit cigarette in his hand. His head was turned away from me, staring out the window. "There's a shower behind that door," he lifted his hand and waved it in no particular direction, "help yourself to beer. You can sleep here tonight." He brought the cigarette to his mouth, inhaled, and then heaved out a heavy sigh. "Tomorrow night, you'll be gone. I swear it."

It was a frightening thing to hear but I guess I was asking for it. I had no guide out of the underground so my only option was to sleep here tonight. My mom would notice I was gone, but all I had to explain was sleeping somewhere else and she wouldn't care. "Do you have a phone I can use?"

Axel put out his cigarette against the wall and flicked off into another corner. "I _did._ Until I fell on my ass and it broke." His words cut through me like icy knives. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat and turned toward the door. "Oh, and Demyx won't have one either. We _used_ to share one." It hurt to be spoken like this. I wanted to crawl into a corner and die. Well, that's what I basically did. I took off my shoes and crawled onto the bed in the other corner and felt part of my soul die.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I closed my eyes to sleep.

* * *

The sun burned the pupils of my eyes even though the lids where pulled tight over them. I lifted a hand to block the rays and scoped out my location. For a moment I forgot where a was and had a momentary spasm: heart beating faster, forehead beginning to sweat, and the increase in breathing. But when I saw Axel in the corner, still sleeping on his stomach, I remembered everything. _What time is it?_ I searched for a source of time and found an alarm clock that looked like it went through world war I and II. _Six minutes to seven. _This used to be the time I would wake up every morning and go to school. That was _before _I was forgotten.

_"Oh, please baby, don't forget me." _I turned my head to the sound of a light voice singing. I walked to the door and opened it as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb the sleeping man, who was snoring loudly. _"My body may be gone but my soul is still here." _I ignored the nasally disturbance and walked through the door. _"Even if you ignore me, the memory is still there."_

A sandy blonde took his normal perch at the top of the stairs. He was with his sitar, just as last night. _Was he here the whole night? "Please don't forget or I'll-" _he stopped abruptly as his blue eyes fell onto my form at the end of the hall and his fair skin erupted into a deep crimson. "Roxas! Didn't see you there!" Demyx looked around to see if there was anyone else before continuing, "what are you doing up so early?" I shrugged my shoulders and walked closer. Demyx gestured for me to sit down next to him and I complied. He returned to playing his sitar but without the singing. His blush was fading away but there was still a small tinge of pink on his cheeks. "Sorry."

"Huh?" I jerked my head to him in surprise, "for what? Your singing didn't disturb me."

He shook his head. "I know _that _but that's not it. I shouldn't have told him about Lexaeus last night."

If confusion had a form, it would be Axel and Demyx. Ever since I met them, nothing's made sense. "You'll have to explain what you're getting at."

"Axel's mad and he took it out on you last night."

"Well, I _did_ let him run off a building."

"It's not the first time. And before, he laughed it off," he sighed, "what I'm saying is sorry. If I just waited 'til later to tell him about Lexaeus, he wouldn't be so mad."

I guess blondes really are as dumb as they say 'cause I still didn't understand. "What was so bad about Lexaeus's news? It sounded like a good thing the way you put it." His words from last night, _"Lexaeus took it like a man today," _echoed through my head.

"It was a good thing...but a bad thing." I let out a frustrated sigh and he saw I still didn't understand. "He killed himself." There. It came out. Finally, took him long enough.

"How is that a good thing!" I was now standing up and had my arms flung out at my side. None of this made sense. _Who are these people?_

"He finally did it," Demyx turned to me. He was quivering, trying his hardest to hold back his tears. "But Axel was the one that was suppose to-"

"FUCK! DAMN THIS PIECE OF SHIT!" _Speak of the devil._ Axel's roar and the sound of a loud, staticky radio buzzed from the room down the hall. It was then followed by some beating of a fist into plastic.

The musician chuckled and stood up. "It's always peaceful until _he_ wakes up." He picked up his sitar and turned around. "We'll talk later ok? Axel, regardless of if he heard bad news or not, is always in a pissed off mood in the morning." He walked to a door with the number nine on it and two blank spots before it where I assume other numbers were before. They must have fallen off through the cycle of inhabitants. I nodded at him as he closed the door and turned to see the door to Axel's apartment open.

He was dressed in a faded, navy blue jump suit, something worn by employees of a gas station. It even had a oval patch on his chest that read, 'Axel' in red cursive writing. He reached for his head which was covered by a black trucker hat and switched it backwards. Closing the door behind him, he tossed me a key. "If you're going to leave, lock up." I couldn't help but noticed he was gritting his teeth as he talked to me. _Talk about moody. _"Also, if you do go out, be back before five." Without anything else to say, he walked past me and down the stairs. Just as he disappeared out of sight he yelled up to me, "five, got it memorized?"

I have a boring apartment to myself, nowhere to go, no money, and I'm going to get killed - I mean - _'aided in my death'_ tonight. What the hell do I do for the next ten hours?

Maybe 'now' was 'later' and Demyx would tell me more. I turned to his door with the single nine and knocked. "Is he gone," he asked from the other side of the door.

"Yeah."

He opened the door enough to poke his head out and scanned the area before letting me in. "That's good. Axel plus mornings equal a beat up person." His sky blue eyes glaced up and down at my form, "surprisingly, you survived. Good job!" He gave a friendly thumbs up as he closed the door behind me. I couldn't help but to let out a laugh. "So, here's my humble home." He walked ahead and stood in the middle of the room. It was the opposite of Axel's apartment. Demyx's was clean, comfortable, and made a pretty sweet bachelor pad.

"Cool. What do you do for a living?"

He plopped down onto a blue couch next to a medium-sized fish tank that gave off a calming blue glow. "_Moi_? Entertainment."

Again he caught me off guard, "what?"

"I sing and play my sitar for some coffee houses and clubs. You know, the places where people go a lot." He shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.

"Pretty exciting. Do you like doing it?" I took a seat next to him on the couch.

"Nah, I_ love _it. If I didn't have my sitar, I wouldn't know what to do." His sitar seemed to glow as he glanced over at it lovingly.

"This morning I heard you singing and-"

"Yeah," he brought his hand up and rubbed the back of his head. The pink tint appeared on his face again.

"Why did you get so embarrassed if you love doing it so much?"

Demyx took a deep breath and glanced at the ceiling, or more like his brain, searching for an answer. "That song's special to me. I never sang in front of anyone. I guess you were the first to hear it." His eyes came back down to earth and started at the wall ahead of him. "Unless if my neighbors like to eavesdrop on me, but no one but Axel is up at this hour anyway." The mullet boy turned back to me and smiled. "I'm guessing you're looking for something to do until Axel gets back right?" I nodded and a grin spread across his face. "Good! I need a helping hand today."

_Looks like my story will have to wait until later..._

* * *

"Ok, take this one, and this one. _Oh_! And don't forget this one!" Demyx handed me five graphic tees and three pairs of pants that looked like not even Axel could fit in. When I was finally able to balance the clothing, I stumbled towards Demyx's dressing room. "Roxas, I'm going to need the black shirt!" I set down the clothing and turned to the shirts. They were _all _black.

"Which one," I called over.

"The _black_ one." Confusion hit me like a brick again. I expected a nice quite day learning more about Axel but instead I'm stuck with this surfer boy searching for the 'perfect' outfit for his next performance. I pulled out all the shirts and examined them. Two of them had the same print on it which said, 'rock you' but one in gold and the other in silver writing. One had a skeleton on it. Another had the words 'blue, blue baby' printed on it in white with blue markings all over the shirt. And the last one had the words, 'I'm awesome' printed on the back in gold. "Well, where is it?" Demyx's hand flew over the top of the door and impatiently drummed his fingers.

"Here, let me help you," a man with dull pink hair picked up the shirt with the words, 'blue, blue baby' and handed it to the hanging hand.

"Thanks Roxas," called a pleased Demyx.

I looked up at him. He seemed like a very delicate boy that would shatter if anything bad happen to him. His hair style intrigued me though, _isn't that a bit too girly for a guy? _"Thank you. I would have never been able to pick out the right one."

He smiled at me, "no problem." The door swung open and out walked the surfer boy which I should call 'the rocker' instead. He really did look like a rock star with that intriguing shirt and gravity-defying hair.

"Roxas you really have some style! I didn't think you'd pick-" he stopped talking and gawked at the pink-haired male next to me. "Oh. My. God. Marluxia!" He ran forward and pulled him into an embrace. "Man, I haven't seen you since-" his voice broke off and he pulled away. It felt like a vortex popped out of nowhere and sucked all the joy away from this friendly reunion. It felt like an eternity before anyone spoke. "So, how's the flowers?"

Marluxia cracked a smile, "they're pretty good. It's a peaceful job." He seemed to gag at the words 'peaceful job.'

Demyx saw something was wrong, "do we need to_ talk_?" The smile left and he gave a solemn nod. "Ok," he turned to me as he pulled off his current shirt and put back on his previous one, "Roxas, get my stuff, we're going to go get some ice-cream." I didn't complain as I picked up the bags from previous stores and followed them out.

* * *

"Larxene's gone." The topic was death, again, and suddenly my ice-cream turned sour. It didn't matter how beautiful our surroundings were (Demyx insisted we get out of the underground and go somewhere cleaner): sitting around a fountain, eating sea-salt ice-cream, the birds chirping, the sun shining, and everywhere you looked there was a smiling face. Expect for this row of death-deprived males.

"How," Demyx and Marluxia didn't look at each other when they spoke. It was almost like a confessional.

"Gun."

"Why?"

"Modeling."

Demyx paused, "again, why?"

"She couldn't take the spotlight. It was driving her mad. She called me last night and invited me over with a pistol ready in her hands. 'Please, Marluxia, for me.'" He was shaking. His sea-salt ice-cream was slightly splattering with each violent shake. He bit his lower lip so hard, I could have sworn I saw blood.

"How?"

"Anything, as long as it's painful." I couldn't take anymore. I stood up and threw my popsicle down.

"What the fuck are you guys talking about! I have no clue what this conversation is about!"

Demyx's usuay smile was no where to be found as he turned to me with narrowed eyes and a voice as cold as ice, "but Roxas, this is what you wanted to know. You wanted to learn more about Axel. Well, here it is: this is Axel's life." Those sky blue eyes had disappeared and turned into spikes of ice as they focused on me. I could feel the icy tips penetrating me. It told me I should have never gotten involved. "Suicide. Axel - no, not just him, all of us - help with people's deaths." I stood there staring at him. This was a different Demyx, the dark one revealing the skeletons in his closet.

"But why?"

"For Mr. Ansem." Marluxia whipped his head to the musician at the sound of that name. "He was our teacher, two years ago, senior year. Xemnas Ansem. The English teacher. When you first meet him you think he's just some old prick but after a semester we learned how cool he really was. He was just like a teenager in a grown-up's body. He was awesome." The icy aura melted away and the friendly Demyx came back. "The night of graduation we went to his house for a party. All eleven of us. We were a tight group of friends who all met trough Xemnas. At one point in the night he went upstairs. We were all to drunk to notice he never came back down. It was Axel who found him later." At this point in the story, Marluxia was burying his face into his hands. His fingers were digging into his head out of distress. _He wanted to forget._ "Hung himself. The note he left talked about how happy he was. Even though his wife left him and he could never see his kids, he was happy with what he had: friends. So happy, he could die. And that's just what he did." He turned away and watched two little boys run around the open area. Their happiness only made me feel worse. Terrible things were happening in this world and they were so oblivious to it.

"But what does that have to do with killing yourself?" The smaller of the boys fell on his face. I would have helped him but this story kept me planted.

"Things were never the same when he died. Vexen, Mr. Ansem's best friend was at the party, pretty cool guy. Sadly, he went crazy when he saw Xemnas's lifeless body." Marluxia stood up and walked over to the children. He helped the boy that had fallen and brought him over to the ice-cream vendor where he treated the children. "Marluxia hates this part. He was there and so was I. We were just spectators to what Axel, Xaldin, and Lexaeus had to do." He took a deep breath and looked up at me, squinting at the sun that shined behind me. "Kid, do you have a cigarette? I really need one." I shook my head. "Figures. Anyway, Vexen wanted the die the same way Xemnas did but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He lasted a good two months before he called on Xaldin to do it. Vexen would start to hang himself and Xaldin would pull his legs down to end it quickly." Demyx turned away and rubbed his eyes. "I'll never forget that night. I had the cell and got a call from Xaldin. He didn't know what to do. The body was there, hanging and he was freaking out. Luckily, Axel and Lexaeus had just gotten back from the gym. I was too weak to do anything but I tagged along anyway for support."

"And Marluxia?"

Demyx's face changed from white to red within a second. He shrugged it off and continued talking, "at that time, he and I...we had a _thing_ for each other and he...uh..._spent_ the night." I looked up at Marluxia and back at the blushing male.

"Really?" I never expected Demyx to see men _that way_.

"Yeah," he grunted. "But besides that, he tagged along too. We watched those three pull down Vexen's lifeless body then bury it in the back with Xemnas's. We stayed out there watching the ground where they were buried for the longest time. It wasn't until the sun started coming up we went home." Marluxia in the distance looked over. He caught Demyx's eyes and he nodded. The long haired man walked over and sat back down.

"Wow," was all I said as I joined them sitting on the fountain. "What about Lexaeus?"

Marluxia looked up at me with astonished eyes. "Lexaeus? What-" The blonde next to him placed a hand on his shoulder and the pink-haired man adverted his gaze down, "shit."

"I'll get to him in a second. Lemme tell you about Xaldin first." I nodded and continued to listen. "Remember how shaken up he was? That fear haunted him for a whole year before it got to him. He couldn't take it anymore. He lived in the next town and hunted us down for 'help.' Out of luck he found Axel. He wasn't comfortable aiding Xaldin but he wouldn't shut up, as Axel explained it to me. He kept on pestering him, begging him. Followed him all over the place until Axel gave in. They were in the subway waiting for the train and he just lost it. Axel pushed him into the oncoming train. _Splat._" He stopped talking and glanced at Marluxia before continuing. "Then Lexaeus: I don't know what caused him to think about the 'ol team, but whatever the reason, it drove him to take a sedative, then go to the gym he and Axel usually went to. From what I heard from the employees at the gym, he passed out as he was lifting weights on the bench and dropped the damn thing on his neck. Choked himself to death."

"That's terrible," Marluxia sighed.

"But why'd that make Axel so mad?"

"Xaldin's death plus Vexen's and Xemnas's just added more stress onto Lexaeus. He knew someday he would end like his friends and commit suicide, too. He asked Axel to be the one to assist him. It was a promise that was broken but I think what really pissed Axel off was the fact his friend had to go through it alone." I was silent when he finished talking. His laughter brought me back, "are you scared?"

I shook my head, "no, just surprised." I looked up and searched the sky for some answer. It was depressing how one death of a good friend led to so many others. My blue eyes caught onto the face of a clock planted onto the side of a building: 5:20, it read. "SHIT!" I jumped up and grabbed Demyx's stuff. "We need to go! I was suppose to be home at five!" Demyx got up calmly and chuckled. "What the hell is so funny!"

"You called it '_home_.'"

* * *

"'_Five, got it memorized?'_ Obviously not if you're _this_ late!" The smashed up clock next to Axel's bed read five minutes to six.

"Sorry, but Demyx was reminiscing." Axel rolled his eyes at me. He was back in his usual outfit: tight black pants, and a black hoodie.

"Whatever, let's get this over with. For sure this time!" He reached under the table and pulled up a metal can with a screw on top. It was quite large and filled with some fluid. It didn't have to be open to know what it was: gasoline. Axel walked over to the door. "I can finally get rid of you and I won't have to worry about-"

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx popped in through the door before he could open it.

"Later, dork, we're busy." He walked past the mullet-boy but stopped at the sight of the pink-haired one. "Oh. My. _Fucking_. God. Marluxia!" He put down the can and reunited just as Demyx did earlier, minus the awkward silence. "We'll have to catch up later. I got some business to take care of," he said as he and I began to go down the stairs.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here."

Axel stopped and turned around. "Come again?" His ears didn't deceive him and Marluxia didn't need to say anything. He let out a large frustrated sigh. "Whatever. Come with us. I can kill two birds with one stone." He stopped to think about what he just said, "you know what I mean."

* * *

The subway ride was empty of passengers but full of information sharing. "Damn. Her too? We're dropping like flies." Axel pulled out a cigarette and a match, before he could strike it, Demyx reached out stopped him.

"_Dude_! The gasoline!" He shrugged him off but lit the match anyway. Nothing. Demyx pulled his hands back and hung his head in embarrassment.

"I'm not an idiot. I made sure that cap was screwed on tight before leaving." He took a breath in and exhaled the smoke upward so it wouldn't bother us. "Want one?" Demyx nodded and took one of the white sticks from Axel's offering hand. Marluxia reached over and grabbed one, as well. He turned to me, "you want one?" I shook my head and refused the offer. "Suit yourself."

"Oh!" Demyx's eyes lit up. "Axel, remind me when we get back to give you Lexeaus's weight-thingey."

One of Axel's thin eyebrows raised, "_'weight-thingey_?'"

"_Weight-thingey_." Demyx did a flexing motion with this arm.

"Oh, '_weight-thingey'_. A dumbbell?"

"Yeah! That thing!" Demyx pointed at him for the correct word.

"Dork," Axel whispered as he turned away from him and looked across the train to Marluxia who was sitting in the adjacent seat. He got up and walked over to the red-head. His bony fingers grasped the pole to keep himself from falling over. He reached into his pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small, black, circular object.

"Demyx told me about your _'collection' _and I thought you could add this to it." He held out his hand and Axel took the item.

His eyes widened and looked back up at the pink-haired man. "Are you serious? Is this what I think it is?" Marluxia nodded and Axel examined it. "She always had this on her. It was so precious to her, she never let anyone use it. Heh." He pocketed it and his teal eyes softened. "But now that I've seen it, it's not_ that _interesting." Axel bit his lip as he noticed what he said, "but it's special." A soft smile spread across Marluxia's lips and he pulled out another item. A spade, ones that gardeners used. He was lucky he was wearing loose jeans or else those would have never fit in his back pocket.

"This too. It's mine." Axel took it without saying anything and shoved it in his hoodie pocket. Marluxia seemed satisfied and sat back down. It was silent from there on out.

* * *

_Remember how I thought The Underground was the worst place? I take that back. **This **place is the worst. _

"Welcome to Sunny Monica, Roxas," Axel narrated as he walked ahead into the clamor of buildings.

"What is this place?" The buildings seemed to be so close to each other, the seemed to create a cage around you. Slowly trapping you in. The sun seemed to shrink away as we went deeper into the city.

"_This_ is hell." He threw down the can and stopped in front of a wall of a building that had been boarded up. "Demyx, a little help here." Together, the blonde and red-head ripped off the nailed pieces of wood and threw them onto the ground, revealing a decaying room. The room and it's furniture were all made out of wood. I don't have a good feeling about this. Axel turned back to us after poking his head in to examine the room. "Perfect. So who wants to go first? Or do you just want to go at the same time?"

My eyes searched the area. "Aren't we kinda out in the open?" We were in the empty alley between two buildings, looking into an apartment from a hole in the wall about to light a fire, how could anyone _not _see us?

"Don't worry, kid. This town's made up of nothing but ghosts and shadows. There's no one here. Besides," He grinned wickedly at me, "you won't have to worry about that." Axel's sulky mood was replaced by a maniac's attitude._ Just, who exactly are you, Axel?_

Marluxia looked over at me, "I'll go first. This kid's too scared." He's right. My legs had that plated feeling again, like I couldn't move unless it was to save myself. And right now, staying out of that room was the safest thing.

"Whatever! More fire for me," Axel snickered. "Go on it and sit on one of those chairs." Marluxia did as told and walked in. The old wood creaked under his feet. "I think this place might have termites, so be careful." When Marluxia was sitting in a chair, Axel followed in with the silver can and walked the same path his friend did. He unscrewed the cap, and the stench of gasoline automatically hit my nose. As bad as it was, I enjoyed that scent although it meant nothing but death.

_Splash._

Axel threw some of the liquid on the ground around the sitting man then some on Marluxia, himself. When he fished he capped the can and shook it. It had about twenty-five percent left. "Oops, went a little overboard. I hope you don't mind, Roxas." He turned to me with a cynical grin on his face. I gasped and turned away. His face was frightening. _How can I trust a man like this to kill me? _When I turned back to Axel he was leaning over Marluxia, whispering something to him, but he was audible enough for my ears to make out the words, "when you're ready." He dashed back over to me and watched. Marluxia was crying over the things he held in his hands: sand paper and a match.

"Demyx," I leaned over to him and whispered, never taking my eyes off of the sobbing man, "isn't this considered Marluxia killing himself instead of getting aid with his death?"

It seemed like he didn't hear me, so I looked up. He had a grin on his face, as well, "it's not his fault there was gasoline all over him when he decided to light a match." I stared at him in shock. _He's just as crazy as Axel. _

"Larxene...I'm so sorry I had to make it so painful," he choked on his words through his sobbing, "let me share your suffering, my love." In a quick flick of a hand, he was gone.

Flames surrounded him. I expected him to be yelling, screaming for mercy but he sat there and accepted it. There was tears forming at my eyes and I turned to look away. I couldn't bare it. Axel on the other hand, he was having the time of his life, roaring up a storm of laughter.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO GOD DAMN FUNNY! YOU JUST KILLED-" The laughing stopped and I got a full face of Axel's fist. He stood over my fallen body and gave my a quick kick to my side.

"What did I tell you? We **do not **kill people. We aid them in their death." I looked up at him to find him pointing at his head, "got it memorized?" I struggled to get up and used the other building as support. Demyx stayed out of it, he was busy watching Marluxia burn. Again, the same damn warm smile. Just as I started to get my bearings, Axel walked up to me unscrewing the top to the can. "I'm going to dump this on you and you go jump into the fire ok? There's not enough to start another one."

"_No_."

I wasn't loud enough for him to hear as he brought the can above me.

"**NO**!" My hand shot up, knocking the metal out of his hands, spilling the gasoline all over the ground. Axel stood there, frozen, as did I. Time seemed to freeze just for me to realize I had made Axel furious.

"Mother. Fucking. Bitch," he whispered, purposely separating his words, "wasted the damn thing." He brought his arms down, returning them to his hoodie pocket, and turned away, heading back the way we came, lost in his emotions. Just as he turned the corner, he spat at me, "coward."

* * *

Finally! It took me like two nights and one day to finsh this! I didn't expect it to be so long! I'm thinking about switching the rating from T to M due to cursing and mature themes involving death and the morbidness. I need your opinion on this! Please?

Also, could you leave me a review? That would be so jake! Thank you!

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	4. The Drop

Ok. I decided to switch the rating to M since it's getting really graphic. (And all those dirty swear words Axel says!)

For those of you looking for the romance, it's coming. It's a hard thing to add since Axel is constantly mad and moody. (Stupid hot-headed freak.)

Author's notes: I've noticed some people choose not to read this fanfic because they think it's another "I'm going to cut myself" angsty fanfic. Well to you people I have to say..."_A Hand To Pull the Trigger_: It's not your average cut-my-wrist suicide fanfic." That's it. Just a quick rant.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in.

**WARNING:** Again, this chapter contains **swearing**, (not a whole lot) and **scary scenes**. I recommend this story for teens the ages of **16 and up **since that's how old I am and I know it's still a little mature for me.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Four: The Drop**

A charred figure could be made out by the dying flames. _'That could've been me,' _I kept telling myself. Demyx had begun to move again. The whole time he watched his friend, or ex-lover, burn to death. I didn't know how he did it and I guess I would never understand since I have no one important to me. "Are you ok?" Demyx didn't turn around. He didn't even make any words, just a grunt. "I'm going to go get Axel." I walked out of the alley not turning my back to him, watching to make sure he wasn't going to do anything crazy.

"Roxas, let's go." I whipped my head around to see Axel leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette.

"Where?"

He exhaled. Those cigarettes had some magic over him, he didn't seem very angry anymore but he wasn't perfectly ok. _Thank god._ "You'll see, let's just get out of here." He turned to walk back to the station, leaving Demyx.

"What about-"

"He'll be fine. He'll go home when he's ready." He reached in his back pocket from which I could see a small, rectangular bludge. "7:32. Excellent timing. We'll -I mean- I'll be home at 9 the latest if everything goes smoothly." He put the item back in his pocket.

"Was that what I think it was?"

"Well, it depends what you thought it was." _Great. _He was being cocky with me. I could feel the anger building in my body.

"A cell phone?" I folded one arm over the other to keep myself from hitting him. _Don't you dare say-_

"Yep."

"I thought you said _I_ broke your cell phone and Demyx's."

"You did." I gritted my teeth.

"Than what the hell was that?" It was a bad thing I was stalking behind him. Maybe if he could see me, he would see he shouldn't lie to me.

"A cell phone." I stayed silent, fuming behind him. "Why? Does this upset you?" He leaned his head back to flash me a grin. I nodded and suddenly wanted to be the one aiding him with his death. Doesn't he know I feel guilty enough for all the failures I caused? But then he lies to me to make it worse? I wish I could- "No need to get your panties in a knot. I got it today. Boss paid me early and I went to go get it after work. Too bad it costed me_ two _other paychecks." My anger disappeared and the guilt returned. _Why does he insist on making me feel this way?_

I almost slammed into the back of the red-head. He was facing me now with his phone out of his pocket, "do you still need to make a call?" He was trying to be nice. But when I think about it, that's all he was trying to do. He wasn't trying to make me feel guilty about hurting him or screwing up, he was just trying to help out someone in need.

"I'll make it quick." I took the phone and dialed for home. After several rings, the answering machine played. Perfect. "Could you give me some private time?" He shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

"Hello, we're not home right now but if you leave a name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as possible. _Beep_."

"Hey, mom. It's me, Roxas. I know I should have called sooner but I've been," my eyes glanced at Axel, "preoccupied. I...I won't be coming home. Don't worry about me though. I know I've been a burden to you. Just live your life happily with your boyfriend." As much as I wanted to push her away, I couldn't. I still loved my mother._ I just wish she could love me back. _"Bye, m-mom," I stuttered, debating whether or not to say 'I love you' or not but before I got a chance the answering machine spoke.

"_Beep_. Message too long." _I hate that thing._ I hung up and ran up to Axel.

"You ready now?"

"Yeah." I handed him his phone.

He rolled his eyes, "finally. We better start running," he stuck his thumb out to point at the train that was already at the platform, "'cause that thing is going to leave soon if we don't hurry."

"But Axel," I examined our distance from the point we were standing to the stairs at the bottom of the platform. "We can't make it." He turned and started to run before I could finish.

"Unlike you Roxas, I don't give up so easily," he called back, slowly increasing his speed. Now, he was taunting me. Why can't he just let things go to rest? I increased my speed, I was about a second behind him. We had a good twenty meters to go before we hit the stairs. A woman's voice could be heard from our location.

"Please stand behind the yellow line. The doors will be closing momentarily."

"Shit." Axel reached behind himself to grab my wrist. "Hurry up, kid." He was skipping so many stairs at once he was basically dragging me up. At the top, Axel gave a fierce jerk and stopped.

"Excuse me, young man," a homeless man had caught Axel by the hood of his shirt.

"Not now, we have to go!" He tried to pull away but for an old, stinky man, he was strong.

"Please, I'm not asking for much just-"

"Here, take this!" Axel thrust a small, white package to the man. He let out and Axel made a bee-line to the doors. From my experience, I knew Axel had issues stopping, and we ended up slamming into the opposite door of the train. "Damn I'm good." He didn't move. He lied on the floor with me toppled on top of him, still gripping my wrist. Axel, despite his insanity, is awesome.

"What did you give him?"

"Crack," he said loudly since no one was there on the train with us.

I jumped up, but fell back to the floor as the train started to move. Axel's grip was still around my wrist. "Where?"

"I kept it in my pocket from yesterday. Remember?"

My awesome image of him didn't fade. "That was some sacrifice. Most druggies would give up anything than their-"

"What the fuck?" He stared at me with disgusted eyes, his grip tightening, making it uncomfortable. "I'm not a damn druggie."

_When would these guys actually start to make sense?_ "But yesterday you-"

"It was a token of remembrance. Another item for my collection."

"Really," I asked him with a dumbfounded face. _Talk about having a foot in your mouth._

"No," he laughed, "...well, I guess it could be. He just thought it was nice of me to still give him the money for the rope, even after that was the third time I gave him cash."

"Another 'client?'" He nodded and sat up. "You mind letting me go?"

"Nah, I think I'll hang onto you," he chuckled. It was so funny how fast his mood changed, it was _unhealthy_.

* * *

"Well _sorry_! That run tired me out! Can't blame a guy for falling asleep on a train. Wait...you fell asleep too!" Another argument. We dozed off on the train and missed our stop. "Looks like I'll be getting home at ten." I think I would be pretty mad, too, that we missed our stop but spending these last moments with Axel were kinda...fun.

"Honey, listen. I'm coming home now. Yes, I was- no, I'm not." A man behind us was loudly talking on a cell phone. He looked just like the prick who I ran into yesterday, except for the blue hair. "The train will be here soon just- honey? Damn her." He angrily shut his phone and stood there probably mentally kicking his wife. After a moment, a standard ring tone chimed through the silence. He picked up before the first ring ended, "hello? Kathleen? Yes, the files should be on my- no, I am_ not _angry, I swear. You're my secretary not my physiatrist." Axel impatiently tapped his foot, probably annoyed by the man behind us. "Ok, fine you caught me. I am ma- no, I'm not mad at her. I just wish she could-"

"Hey buddy, do you think you could talk a little-" Axel turned around and stopped in mid-sentence. The man in the suit stopped talking on his phone, I could hear his secretary calling out for him.

"Kathleen? I'll call you back in a second." He pulled down his phone and shoved it into his pocket, never removing his golden eyes from Axel's teal ones.

"So, how's the corporate ladder," he grinned.

The man grinned back, "vice-president."

"Wow. It's been only two years, how'd that happen?"

"My dad owns the company."

"Cheater," Axel snickered.

He shrugged his shoulders, "hey, if life gives you lemons-"

"-throw 'em back at people." Axel and the man started laughing. They loosened up and gave each other a friendly hug. I'm pretty sure this is a reunion, too. "It's been a long time. How's life?"

The smile went away and a grim face appeared. The "X" shaped scar that was conveniently placed on his forehead made him look ominous. "Not well." Axel's smug smile disappeared, as well. He knew what was coming. "I was hoping I could find someone. Lexeaus told me where to find you. I was planning on visiting you tomorrow but maybe we could get this done sooner." The punk glanced over at the tracks. A slight rumble could be heard approaching. He looked back at his friend and had that same cynical grin while Marluxia burned.

"We can do it right now."

* * *

It disturbed me to on the same train that was used to bring that man to the afterlife. It disturbed me more Axel was, again, having a riot in his own world. "Damn! Isn't it amazing Roxas! You'd expect it to be a mess but instead it's so clean! The speed of the train just wipes it away!" He roared again and the other people seemed to inch away from him. I don't think anyone could see the discomfort I was in, they were too distracted with Axel's outburstI tried to keep silent the whole time, hiding in my shame and embarrassment, but curiosity plagued my mind.

"Who was he?"

Axel clutched his chest, trying to calm down, "old friend of mine from high school, Saix. He always wanted to be a photographer. His pictures weren't half bad. Sadly, his dad wanted to be the puppet master in his life."

"Lemme guess," it was all starting to make sense, "his dad got to choose his wife, also?"

Axel stood up, still smiling. "Exactly."

"Now approaching Haven Heights," The monotone woman announced. The train stopped and we exited the station. The view convinced that this is a haven. Fountains, clean streets, an almost-gone sun that set a beautiful pink glow over the roofs of houses. The houses? _Pfft. _More like mansions. I hope Axel feels as uncomfortable as me being here.

"_Sexy_." I jumped up at his seductive, low voice behind me. Axel's lips were formed into a smile full of awe. "It looks like you get another beautiful sight." He grabbed my wrist again and lead me up the path in a relaxed jog. I found it unnecessary.

"Why do you have to hold onto me?" My eyes glanced down at his hand._ 'Tender' _was the first word that came to my mind. I wish it wasn't.

"If we don't hurry then the sun's going to go down."

"And why does that matter?"

He turned his head back to me and winked, "because, I want to give you something to remember before you leave." I wouldn't be blushing if I never thought of the word: '_tender_,' but because I did, he had to see my rosy cheeks. "Hey, you ok?" I forced my face to look at the ground and mumbled something that sounded like a yes.

* * *

"Lie down here. This won't take long," Axel ordered through gritted teeth. I don't understand why he was suddenly mad but I wasn't going to bother him about it. I did as he said and found a spot on the bricked walkway. I didn't mind laying down on it, it was relatively clean. Above me was a metal rail, where residents of the city probably went to, to do some sight-seeing. Axel's crimson head popped up, "you ready," he called out. He turned away and leaned over to pick up something before I could answer. He wasn't too high, just probably about fifty feet above me. Maybe even less. I didn't have anytime to say anything, or move, before I saw him come back, heaving a large stone that he dropped over my head.

_Just let gravity do the work, I guess._

* * *

Argh...this chapter upsets me. I wish it were longerPlus, I kinda rushed_ -glances at time- _It's only 11:30. I'll probably start chapter 5 tonight but I can't make any promises about it being finished.

Again, for those of you looking for the romance: it's coming. Just give me some time. I tried to add some in here, I hope it doesn't seemed too forced or anything.

Thank you, reviewers. When I need motivation for writing I turn to my e-mail and re-read the reviews! You're a lot of help to me! Please review again 'cause that makes me happy!

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	5. The Air

Author's notes: Ok. I've been really frustrated lately and I'm really not feeling it. It's taken me a while to finish this chapter because I had to re-write all my notes on this story and my fingers hurt. Also, inspiration only lasts so long before you have to look for it again. (Or does inspiration find you?) I stupidly, but luckily, wasted my inspiration on drawing a picture. Why was it lucky? Because we had a black out later that night.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in.

**WARNING: **This chapter has one **really violent scene**. It actually gave me a nightmare, but that's what I get for writing fanfiction at five am in the morning. But besides that, the usual **swearing**. Not so much in here this time. (Also, about that scene, it doesn't explain what exactly happened, so it won't be that bad until I _do_ reveal what did happen.)

Again, thank you my reviewers, you make me so happy!

Chapter four was a big disappointment to myself as a writer 'cause I knew I could do better but I just rushed. That's not going to happen again. Slow and steady. Now, after much working and re-reading...Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Air**

"Sorry, Roxy, I won't miss this time!" My eyes jerked open to see Axel about to drop another rock.

"**NO**!" I rolled away 'in-the-nick-of-time' to dodge it. The stone landed next to the previous one and cracked in half. I looked up at Axel, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

He turned to come back down. I stood up and brushed off the chips of rock on my clothes but I was quickly knocked down with Axel's fist. "I told you it would be quick but you're such a wuss!" I tried to get up but his foot on my chest held me down. "No, I'm ending this. I swore it!" His long, thin arms reached down for a part of the rock, he held it over his head, ready to chuck at my face. Onn instinct, I brought my hands up to cover my face.

"Isn't this murder," I heard from behind Axel. I removed my hands to see a teen closer to my age standing causally, watching us. By the way his hair seemed so unreal, I knew he was one of Axel's friends. The demon dropped the rock and grabbed one of my hands to help me up.

"Sorry, Ro-" I jerked my hand away, nursing my cheek. It was _my_ turn to be bitter.

"Am I that much of a nuisance?" Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say.

"Sure are!" He turned to the stranger and began to converse with him, "get this, Zexion, this guy just can't die. I swear this is like my tenth try!"

'Zexion' walked up to me. We were about the same height but he still had superiority over Axel. "Tenth? Twentieth? Hundredth? Regardless of what number of try it is, _you_ have a duty to obey the client's wishes of _disposal_." The way he referred to death sent shivers up my spine. _Great_, another deranged lunatic, just what I needed now. At least he was thinking about me.

"But, he's such a coward!"

Zexion locked onto him with his ice-cold eyes, "but aren't you too, Axel?"

_Burn._

Axel lost emotion. He stood there and knew he lost the battle. "Ok, let's go Roxas." He reached over to take my wrist again but I folded my arms. He kept his head down as he turned and walked away in a fast pace, defeated. Before I followed him I turned to Zexion and thanked him for sticking up for me. He didn't seem to care and just looked in the other direction.

"Whatever, bye." I ran after Axel who was already halfway to the train station. "Axel?" He ignored me. I ran up beside him and tried again, "Axel?"

"What?" His voice was as soft as a whisper. What Zexion said to him must have hurt him.

"Is it true what Zexion said about you?" Again, silence. "Axel!" I ran in front of him to stop him but he just walked around.

"Shut up. It's none of your business."

"You're wrong. It's been my business ever since Demyx told me about Xemnas." _That struck a nerve. _Axel stopped and turned around.

"What did he tell you?"

"Everything."

"Be quiet, you will never understand."

"You're right, but how am I suppose to understand if you don't tell me?"

"Sit." An odd command., there were no benches or chairs.

"What?"

"Sit!" I didn't want to make him angry so I took a seat onto the ground and shortly, Axel sat down across from me. We sat there for the longest time. Me looking at him, but him finding better interest in the ground.

"Well?"

"Well what?" He let out a low growl of frustration. "Keep your pants on, just give me a moment."

I leaned over to Axel and touched his knee, which was currently pulled to his chest, "Axel, why are you scared?" He said something but it was too soft to hear. I 'm pretty sure he was just moving his lips. "I can't hear you."

"They're leaving."

"Who? Your friends?" He nodded and tucked his face in so I couldn't see it. "Don't worry, they're not all going to leave."

He jerked his head back up with narrowed eyes. He was angry again. "Yes they are! Why do you think Zexion was there? He was looking for someone to help him! Since Xaldin and Lexaeus are gone I'm the _only_ one they go to!" Axel hid his face again after his outburst.

"Don't say that. Larxene went to Marluxia."

"And then who did Marluxia go to?" He got me there. Before I could say anything he got back up, a faint smile on his face. "But I shouldn't be complaining. I_ have _to help them. I'm the only one they _can_ go to." He looked down at me and offered a hand. "Let's go, Roxas. I'll help you." He smiled sweetly as I took his hand, it disgusted me.

_Moody bitch._

* * *

"Now, who's this free-loader?" Axel brought up a foot to nudge the person curled up in front of Axel's door.

"That you, Axel," he yawned looking up at us. He had been drinking. He obviously didn't know where he was by the way he was looking around, scratching his blonde goatee. I wondered if those multiple piercings on his ears were done while he was sober.

"Yeah, you drunkard."

"Hey, the casinos give free booze if you keep on playing! It's a steal!" He focused his eyes on me. "Who's the kid?"

"Roxas." Was he _actually_ introducing me?

"Nice meeting you, Roxas," I held my hand out in order for him to shake it, "name's-" he let out a large belch and my hand retreated back to my side. "Sorry about that. Name's Luxord."

"My pleasure."

"So, Axel, how's work?"

"Enough, chit-chat!" Axel waved his arms around which called for silence. "Drove all around town today. Did Demyx leave you here?"

Luxord's eyes lit up to that name. "Demyx is here?"

I could tell Axel was becoming frustrated by the tone of his voice, "you drunkard, he's the one that probably told you to wait for me!"

He scratched his chin again. "Uh...I haven't seen Demyx since...uhh...the party. If I saw him now, I think I would remember." My heart stopped beating and I'm sure Axel's did, too.

"What?" Axel pivoted to Demyx's door and knocked. No reply. "Demxy? Are you there?" Silence. "Shit," he swore as he jumped down the stairs.

"Where 'ya going, Axel?" Luxord attempted to get up but just sat back down.

"Roxas! Come on! Luxord, stay there!" I jumped down and followed him to the train station.

"Axel, what if he's still there and just wants some time alone?"

"No, it wouldn't have taken this long. We were gone for an hour or two, the fire should be dead by now." We both cringed at the word 'dead.'

* * *

"Come on, come on, come on," Axel impatiently tapped his foot at the door of the train, waiting for them to open. "Finally," he jumped out and immediately ran out of the station into the barren wasteland. I would have ran with him if there wasn't a blonde, mullet-headed male next to me when I exited the train.

"Axel he's-," Axel ignored me and continued to run.

"Where's the fire," he snickered.

"Demyx! Are you ok?"

I caught him by surprise, "yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You just looked really sad, me and Axel were worried."

He smiled, for real, "I'm sorry, I was about to come home just now. I didn't mean to make you guys worry."

"It's fine but," I turned toward the exit, "shouldn't we go after him?"

Demyx threw his hands behind his head, "nah, he'll be coming back in a moment. Axel used to be on the track team, you know?"

"I don't doubt that."

"He could have been better but his smoking holds him back. Dirty habit. It's good you're not addicted to them like he is." He placed a hand on my shoulder but he took it off to point and laugh at Axel when he came dashing up the stairs, out of breath, groping himself for a smoke.

"You asshole, why didn't you stop me?"

"I tried but-"

Demyx cut my off and finished my sentence, "but we wanted to see you suffer!"

Axel smirked and all was restored as we got on the train, "hey, Demyx, Luxord's back. You should say, 'hi.'"

* * *

We got upstairs to find a Luxord-less hallway. "Where'd he go?" Demyx rotated around, scanning the hallways but stopped when his eyes fixed on the door that was slightly ajar. "I think he went to the roof."

Axel sighed and grumbled as he went up, I followed while the other blonde tailed behind me. "Luxord? You up here?" We reached the top of the stairs to see the drunken man standing with his feet half over the edge of the building.

He leaned back and gave us a friendly wave. "Hiya, Demyx! Haven't seen you in two years!" Demyx was not very happy but more worried. He ran forward and grabbed his hand.

"Get down, you could slip!" He tugged but Luxord jerked back.

"That'd be ok. I wouldn't mind. In fact, it'd probably make things easier." I looked over at Axel to see his face drained of color.

"No, please, don't make me," he whispered to no one in particular, maybe God, or maybe Demyx.

"Here, get down, Luxord. You've had too much to drink, you're not thinking right." Again, he tried to pull him down but Luxord clumsily moved away. Luckily, he didn't slip.

"Demyx, Demyx, I've never thought more right in my life!" He let out a hiccup. "Now, who's going to help me? Axel?" I looked over at him to see his face lowered. It slowly raised, revealing a manic grin slapped on his face.

"Ok, pal!" He didn't run like he did with me, instead, he calmly walked over and placed his hands on Luxord's shoulders.

I didn't know what Demyx was thinking and neither did I, but whatever we were thinking, we were thinking the same thing. "Axel, don't," we simultaneously called out, trying to pull him back. For his thin figure, Axel was a strong guy. He threw us off with one blow.

"Head first, Luxord." Axel leaned forward and pushed off. A perfect ten. Head first, arms spread like an eagle, Luxord looked angelic: A beautiful dive.

_Splat._

What a disgusting noise. To hear the human landing butter-side-down on the cement. I dragged myself to look over the edge. It felt like a hammer beating against my eyes to see that body laying like a bear rug and a cannon against my ears to hear Axel's laughter. Demyx inched back, down the stairs, and into his apartment, I suspect. It was a good thing he went back inside, for the gambler wasn't dead. He emitted a groaning noise and Axel stopped laughing. His expression was that of a child. His teal eyes, fearful, his fist being lifted to his mouth to be nibbled on. "What the fuck," he managed to say.

Luxord was stronger than Axel and managed to flip over to look up at us. His eyes softened and he attempted to smile. It would have looked sweet if there wasn't a crimson ooze covering his teeth, seeping out of the corners of his lips. We stupidly just sat there and watched him as his chest convulsed with blood. The hacking sound allowed me the pleasure of having my own bile being choked up. "Shit," Axel swore, adverting his attention from Luxord to me. "Damn, are you ok?" I wanted to hurl my vomit at him. _Did it look like I was ok?_ Axel nervously glanced from Luxord to me and picked me over the dying man. "Come on, let's get you inside." He threw one of my arms over him and brought me in. On the way down the stairs, I almost mistook Axel's shoe for a target. "Damn! Just hold on!" He rushed down and shoved the key into the lock, forcing the door open with strength I've never seen from him. "Quick!" He shoved me into the confined bathroom. Like the other room, it looked ignored and un-cared for, making it dirty. By then, I didn't feel so bad and just splashed some water into my face.

"I'm...so sorry," I apologized rinsing my mouth.

"It's fine. I feel the same way." He leaned against the doorway, depressed-looking. He didn't even bother to pull out a cigarette.

"Axel," I turned off the faucet, "what about Luxord?"

"People won't look at me as helping but killing; it's best to stay away."

The memory of the blood slowly, seeping out of Luxord's mouth, staining his lips, running through his goatee sent chills up my spine and throwing up seemed pretty good at the moment. "What happened to him?"

"To be honest, I don't know."

"What happens if he doesn't..._you know_..."

"There'll be an ass whipping for me. But I highly doubt that." His eyes stayed on the ground, searching for something. He stopped searching when his teal eyes locked onto a red coin on the ground, near the door. Crouching down, he examined it. "Poker chip." Axel flipped it into the air with his thumb and caught it as he stood up. His fist tightened around it before he placed it on his shelf along with the other dead men's items. Axel reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out the spade and mirror. A sigh escaped his lips as he set them down. "Wait here a moment, I need to get something from Demyx." He exited the apartment and the sound of sirens entered the room.

I wondered if the police were going to come up and question me. What do I do? Do I lie? I'm not a convincing fibber. Before I could worry anymore, Axel came in heaving a metal object. He dropped it on the ground next to the shelf, seeing how the weight of dumbbell couldn't be supported by the wooden furnishing. "Lexeaus loved his weights. I can't believe I used to be able to lift these things." I scanned the shelf. I could guess which objects belonged to who but the stuffed animal struck me as odd.

"Axel, there did you get that one from?" I pointed at the fading, used-to-be chestnut brown bear.

Axel ran his tongue over his lower lip, "a little girl."

"I don't see you the type to innocently converse with little girls."

"Olette. She was such a sweet girl." His back was turned away from me, but it didn't have to be for me to know he was sad.

"What happened," I asked taking a seat at the table.

He scratched his chin, thinking, "It was about...a year? Yeah. A year ago I went up to Green Stone Forest, you know, the hippie land?" Axel was referring to the forest that was north of Dagmar. It was placed there for recreational reasons like camping, family-fun activities, tree huggers, that sort of thing. "I went there to take care of some 'business.'"

"The little girl," I gasped.

Axel whipped around, "what the hell? No! I'm talking about_ me_!" He pressed his hand onto his chest to put the emphasis on 'me.' "Anyway, I planned on going by fire." He smirked, "God, I love fire. But, like you, I was afraid. Left gasoline all over the ground, 'wish I hadn't." I leaned it closer since he was getting softer. "A family of three were camping there. Their little girl, Olette went missing. The parents were looking for her and found the spot where I was going to kill myself. One of them must have been smoking 'cause that whole place went up in flames." At this point, Axel was sitting down across from me with a beer. "I knew _I _was responsible. It was _my_ fault they were dead. It was the least I could do."

"Do what?" Axel, gazing at his beer, began to laugh. His teal eyes turned up to me.

"I pushed her in." He banged his fist onto the table with laughter.

_Hey, Demyx, will you kill me, instead?_

Axel stopped, "I just got an idea." I expected him to suggest something about buring me alive but we already tried that. "Carbon monoxide."

Carbon monoxide, or CO, in chemistry terms. A colorless, odorless, poisonous gas produced by the incomplete burning of solid, liquid, and gaseous fuels. _Damn, how did I remember this?_ Carbon monoxide is produced by fuel-burning appliances such as furnaces, ranges, water heaters, or room heaters. CO is also produce by burning charcoal in a closed area. Running car, plus closed garage, equals a dead Roxas.

"So?"

"You have a car?"

"No, but I do work at a body shop."

"I thought you worked at a gas station."

"Please, Roxas, I'm educated enough to get a better job than a gas station clerk."

"Then why so poor?"

Axel groaned, "as shitty as these apartments are, they aren't cheap."

"Then why live-"

"We're wasting time, let's go." Angry, again.

* * *

We didn't have to walk far to get to the place where Axel worked, a large warehouse wtih three just as large garage doors on the side. There was a single window that was lit with a yellow-ish glow. Axel tapped the window and I could see a silhouette of a man move. Soon, the door open and out popped out the head of a middle-aged man with graying hair tied up into a pony tail. The scar and the eye patch over his right eye made him look like some kinda of escaped convict. Yet, his 'surfer' voice and attitude made me think otherwise. "No."Axel jammed his foot into the opening and had the honor of having it slammed in the door.

He winced but tried to stop the man, "Xig, can we use the garage?" 'Xig,' pushed his head out a little more to look at me.

"Why not push him off a building?"

"Already tried."

"Train?"

"Missed it."

"Rock-"

"Missed, again." The pony-tailed man looked down, but before he could say anything Axel answered, "chickened out."

"Damn. Well, go ahead. Last one; here's the keys." 'Xig' handed him a ring keys and he shoved it in his pocket. "My truck's in there. Don't do anything stupid." Axel removed his foot from the spot where is foot would have been crushed if he hadn't moved it. He turned to his right and looked down the row garage doors with the regular door next to it. Seeing how rundown this place was, there was obviously no garage opener.

"Old prick," Axel snickered, "I know he seems mean, but he has a heart of a teddy bear." I caught a glimpse of a smile I've never seen from Axel. It was melancholy, but happy. Happy, but not over-joyced. Not joy, but a divinity of happiness. Something you'd only see out of a child. Probably why he was walking ahead of me, with his back turned.

* * *

The red-maned male held his hand over the door knob, positioning the key over the keyhole. "No more chickening out."

"No more chickening out," I agreed.

"No more screw ups."

"No more screw ups." I placed my hand on his arm with the key. He looked over and I nodded my head.

_I'm ready._

Axel turned the key but the door knob wouldn't yield. "Sorry, wrong key," he laughed as he fumbled for another key in the dim light that was emitted from a lamp over the door. "This one. I'm sure." He put it in and turned.

_Click_

Axel flipped a switch to turn on the lights. Just as 'Xig' said, there was a navy truck, with a few dents here and there, waiting for us. "Take a seat."

I didn't question the fact that were no chairs, and sat in the corner. "I'm ready, Axel." He smiled as he got in the car and started it. Before he left he sat down next to me. "What are you doing?"

"I dunno. 'Wanted to talk to you before, you know."

"Ok." Silence. _Some talk._

"Roxas, it's been hard but it makes me happy I can finally get rid of you." _Jerk_. "No, not in a bad way. I mean, in a way that you want." He looked over at me. "You _are_ comfortable with this, right?"

"Yeah. Painless: no problem."

"I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk or just weird. Thanks for..." He trailed off and began to get up, "I better get out of here. I think I can already feel the effects."

"I don't think it was even a minute. Plus, you left the door open."

He looked over and blushed. "Whoops." He kept on staring down at me. "I would give you something to do while you wait, but I'm going to have to turn off the lights. Sorry."

I shrugged, "that's ok. What you're doing is enough." Axel walked to the door and turned around to look at me one last time.

"Bye," he turned off the lights, "you were really cool, Roxas."

"Bye," I whispered back. He closed the door and I could hear his footsteps fading away. It was a shame to be to dying like this and him not seeing my expression. I was smiling in the face of death. Pity. _But it's ok, _I thought as I closed my eyes. The end was near and I had nothing more to care about. But it did strike me odd how I wasn't hearing his misanthropic laughter over the low hum of the vehicle.

_Axel, are you sad?_

* * *

_-celebration-_ FINALLY! That took me forever! But I read over it and spell checked it and if anything's wrong then...umm...beats me. I'm human!

I hope this chapter was a lot better than the last one.

Please review!

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	6. The Violence

1Author's notes: Mwhahaha! I have finished my essay just in time for school. Meaning: I can devote the next three days to writing this fic! HAHAHA! That is, if I have enough writing power in me to make it through. I kinda wasted it all. Also, w00t! Comic relief!

Day three: Oh. My. God. (which is Axel) I got to play Kingdom Hearts II for the first time in like a couple of months? (My playstation broke.) Now, I'm all energized to write! **"Let's go!"**

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in.

**WARNING: **The usual stuff: swearing, violence, and umm...a dirty shower?

Reviewers, reviewers! You make me so happy I could sing! (For some reason, it won't let me add a ruler. I hope you enjoy my little x's.)

xXxXx

**Chapter Six: The Violence**

_Axel, I wish I could show you this. It's gorgeous._

Have you ever felt warm grains on your bare back, tangled in your hair? Have you seen the endless azure sky? Have you tasted the salty air? Have you heard the calming waves? Do I have to describe more? I love the beach and having my afterlife here is the best thing you could ever give me.

_Thank you._

"Roxas!" Male voice: deep, cool, and calm. "Roxas!" This is a voice from my childhood, I think. "Roxas!" I know this voice. It's a voice that didn't love me. But I loved this voice enough to call him my-

"Dad?"

"Over here!" I sat up, but squinted my eyes to the blaring sun. A shirtless man, his toned body still visible from my distance. I didn't need to see him clearly to know what he looked like: blue eyes, like my own but milk chocolate, shoulder-length hair, that opposed my own, blowing in multiple directions due to the wind.

Despite his impatience for mom, he waited for me to walk over to him. His long hair was covering his eyes, but he didn't bother to push it aside when I spoke to him. "Dad, what are you doing here?" No answer, just staring at me with a slight grin on his face. I didn't like it, but hey, it was my father that left me when I was just a child. "Did you die after you left mom?" Again, no answer. "Why won't you say anything?" It's then I realized he wasn't my dad. That smile wasn't his. He rarely smiled, and when he did, it was much warmer than _that_. I stepped back, "who are you?"

"_Great,_ now I'm going to have a ghost living in my garage." That wasn't dad's voice. It sounded more like a beach-junkie's voice.

The ground moved violently and I fell backward, away from the imposter, head first into stone, not sand. "Shit," a voice echoed though out the beach. I recognized this voice, too. But who was it?

"Why get worked up? It's just a corpse."

"Yeah, but it's Roxas!" _Axel?_ The beach and my father disappeared and I found myself surrounded in darkness and voices. I couldn't help but feel some-sort of fetter wrapped around my ankles.

"_Ooooh_," the other voice became sarcastic and began to mock Axel, "boy-crush?" My eyes jerked open, subduing the darkness, replacing it with painful florescent lights. A man with graying black hair was holding my feet but instantly dropped them when he made eye-contact with me. "**ZOMBIE**!"

My heels slamming against the floor sent a shock up my legs, making me wince. "That hurts, 'ya know," I groaned, not even attempting to get up.

"Roxas!" A red mass of hair bounced by my side, quivering hands cupped my face and tilted it so I was looking into Axel's cyan eyes. "Are-are you real?"

"I think. What happened?"

"I guess God decided to spare you!"

"Like you ever believed in that psychobabble. But seriously, how'd you manage to fuck this up, 'Axe-hole?'" I could see 'Xig' out of the corner of my eyes take the keys out of his truck.

Axel's eyes never left mine, "I did just as you told me: turn on the car and lock 'em in."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

He sighed and slammed the truck door. "You know there was no gas in there, right?"

Axel rolled his eyes at 'Xig' and let go of me, placing me gently onto the floor, "well no shit, Xigbar, I left it on for the whole night. It would be a miracle if there happened to be gas left in there." Xigbar let out a frustrated sigh.

Even I could see how stupid Axel was acting. "What ever happened to no more screw ups?" Axel slightly blushed and turned away from me.

"Sorry, mistakes happen…I guess."

Xigbar narrowed his eyes, or eye, at Axel. "I thought you knew you needed a full tank of gas for it to work."

"I did, but I didn't know the thing was empty." He stared at the ground. Something didn't seem right.

"Idiot," His fury was building, "we were using the damned thing the whole day, what do you think it was? Full? What you gave him last night was no different than a glass of warm milk!" Before he could get any angrier, Xigbar closed his eyes and counted to what seemed like twenty. "Whatever. Maybe this was for the best. Just, get the kid home and come back. I don't care." He turned away fiercely and rummaged thought the back of his truck, probably looking for something to get his vehicle running again.

Axel stood up and hoisted me to my feet. "Can you walk?"

"Yeah…but barely. I'm really tired." Axel smiled and kneeled on the floor with his back facing me.

"Here, get on. I'll carry you."

"What!"

"Don't ask questions, let's go." It was embarrassing but I hopped on. I thought I might have snapped Axel's thin body in half but he was a lot stronger than he looked. "Duck." I leaned over as he slightly bent his knees to avoid the door way. He shut the door with his foot as he exited.

"So, you hungry?"

"No," I replied, but my growling stomach said otherwise.

"I'll take that as a yes," he chuckled as he headed for the nearest fast food restaurant.

Everything felt so weird. I was so close to dying but Axel's here being cheerful. Not his questionable psychotic happiness but a calm, mellow attitude. Like nothing ever happened. Or something happened that shouldn't have, but in a good way.

_Why do I feel like a fly trapped in a spider's web?_

xXxXx

"Here," a faded green towel landed smack-dab in my face as Axel walked out the door. "I gotta go. Xig's going to yell at me. Make yourself at home; if you need new clothes, I'm sure Demyx's will fit you better than mine." He closed the door behind him and broke into a run down the hallway, skipping steps as he went down the stairs. Yeah, he was _that_ noisy.

My hand hovered over the door knob, about to turn it until a knock stopped me. "Hey, Roxas, it's me, Demyx. Axel's gone, wanna hang?" I opened the door to find him standing there with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Shopping?"

"No, I know it's boring for you. I was just thinking my place. You know, hanging out." He waved his finger looking for the words but he came out sounding like a moron. But I could tell he was just lonely. Demyx didn't have a very secure job, so he probably spent a lot of his time here, alone. The least I could do was keep him company before I 'go.'

"Sure. Let me take a shower first."

Demyx glared at me. "You're kidding, right?"

He struck me dumbfounded. "It's just a shower."

"Roxas, I don't think you understand." He walked in and led me to the bathroom. He stopped in front of the shower with a navy blue curtain draped around it. "Stand back." He pushed me back with his arm, shielding me. "Be on your guard." Demyx jerked the curtain to one side revealing the most uncared for shower I have ever seen. There was a mysterious black substance that coated the floor of the shower, yellowish spots along the walls, and I'm pretty sure there was something growing in the drain.

"Sick! Close that thing!" Demyx brought the curtain back.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Doesn't matter, I was just going to see it before I took a shower." I turned away and walked out the bathroom. "How can you just let something get that dirty?"

"Dirt? I was more worried about you taking a shower in the place where Axel jacks off."

I shoved my fingers in my ears, dropping my towel, and began yelling at the top of my lungs, "that's more disgusting than watching Luxord-" I shut my mouth and took my fingers out. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's cool." He smiled and picked up the fallen towel. "Why don't you take a shower at my place? I promise you it's sperm-free," he winked and the disgust flooded my mind again.

"Shut up! We will not talk about this anymore!"

Demyx shrugged, "fine, Mr. No-fun."

"What'd you call me?"

"Mr. No F-U-N."

"That is so not true. Take it back!"

"Mr. No-fun, Mr. No-fun," Demyx sang as he left the apartment.

"Shut up," I yelled, but he continued to sing and tease.

It was weird. I thought I was 'invisible.' Not naked to the human eye, but unwanted. Therefore, unseen. Yet, here I was with this guy, playing around like friends. Why do they, Axel and Demyx, not ignore me like the others? But it's not just those two, their friends see me, why? Do they want me? Is that why they choose to see me? Or, are they 'invisible,' too?

xXxXx

"Damn. These jeans are tight."

"Or maybe, your ass is just too big." I glared at the blonde mullet-boy rolling off the couch, as he stumbled over to me, shaking with laughter. "'Lemme see something." He took two fingers and dug them into my pants. When he pulled out his fingers, they were a light shade of purple. "No, your ass is fine. You just don't wear pants like these do you?"

I looked down. The female-sized jeans looked like they would rip at the slightest movement of my legs. It was a frightening thought of what would happen if I tried to walk. "How do you wear these?"

"I dunno," he shrugged, "I just put them on one leg at the time and go about normal activities." Demyx plopped onto the couch with a sitar in his arms. He began to play random notes. "Take a seat; they'll loosen up after a while." I attempted to walk, but instead made movements like Frankenstein to the couch, where I sat down next to him. "So, I don't get it," he started, "Axel said you were 'taken care of.' What happened?"

I shook my head, "didn't work. The truck didn't have enough gas."

I half-expected Demyx to laugh at our failure but instead he questioned it, "that's weird. Axel doesn't make stupid mistakes like that. He's always really careful. Maybe it was his mood."

"What does his mood have to do with it?"

"You've probably noticed but Axel has 'issues.' You know, like yesterday with the fire?"

"The laughing?"

"Yeah."

"I've been wondering what the fuck is wrong with him. It's really annoying to talk to him. Sometimes we'll be talking about death and he just starts laughing like a maniac."

"He has a manic depressive disorder." Life had disappeared from Demyx's voice and was substituted by seriousness.

"What?" By now, I had forgotten about the taut material wrapped around my legs.

"He's bipolar. You know, really moody. He's been like that for, like, a whole year. I've kinda gotten used to it; kinda funny at times. Like, one minute he'll be all happy and the other minute he'll be all-"

"Pissed off." I stared ahead at the wall. It was shocking how a few deaths could trigger a person to go insane. I knew he wasn't right in the head, but how can they just do nothing about it? "Did you guys go to a doctor?"

"Yeah, I brought him once when the money was really good. He even had some pretty expensive medicine."

"And he didn't take it?" _So predictable._

"Actually, he was really into the pills." _Or not._ "I had to take them away. I was scared he would take an overdose. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, right? Those things were like candy to him. He said he felt so," Demyx trailed off and searched his brain for the word, "_real_."

"What do you mean?"

"His disorder made him feel so…err…not him. Like, he couldn't control himself. He couldn't feel the way he wanted to. The pills let him be…him."

"And how do you know this?"

"He begged for them back as soon as he found they were missing. I hated seeing him so pitiful, but I had no choice. Also, I'm his best friend. Nothing gets unsaid between us." Demyx set down his sitar and was now looking at it, admiringly.

Maybe a change in subject was for the best, "so, where'd you get your sitar?"

"My sister, she gave it to me before I left home."

"Where'd you come from?"

"Believe it or not, I used to live in Haven Heights."

"Oh, rich boy?"

"You bet 'cha!" He gave me an enthusiastic smile that looked like you'd only see in a cheesy commercial. Seeing Demyx do it made it look even dorkier.

"Why'd you leave?"

He leaned back and relaxed, legs propped up on his magazine cluttered coffee table, "parents. They actually kicked me out. But I probably would have left on my own."

"Again, why didn't you?"

"My sister, she's awesome."

"What's her name?"

"Naminé. Here, let me find a picture." He arched his back to grab his wallet in his back pocket. He handed me a small, worn-down photo of a girl that looked around my age, maybe younger. She had brilliant blonde hair, brighter than mine. Her eyes were bright blue, kinda like mine. _But why am I comparing her to myself? She's Demyx's sister._ I looked back up at him. They looked similar but the colors were different. "Pretty isn't she?"

"Yeah," I handed the picture back to him and he returned it to its respectful place. "How old is she?"

"Fifteen? I think so."

"She looks much-"

_**Bang!**_

"What the hell?" Demyx and I both jumped at the loud crack of what sounded like a gun shot from next door. We peered our heads out the door to see a sandy brown-haired teen hunched over, gasping for air. He had a mischievous grin on his face that told us he did something bad. A husky boy walked out of the door behind him and shoved the thinner one.

"Hayner, what the hell? That scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, but I couldn't resist."

"What happened here," asked Demyx, walking out into the hall.

"Sorry man," Hayner answered, "we have some extra fireworks and we were just playin' with them."

"That's unsafe. Go to the roof or something." The two teens ignored him and walked back inside, the fat one, laughing loudly. "Stupid fools."

"What are you getting so mad about," I asked when they closed the door.

"They're always doing shit like this. It pisses me off! Just last week they were drunk, playing old Britney Spears as loud as they could. I'm glad Axel was here to give them a piece of his mind."

"Why don't _you_ stop them?"

He smirked as he retreated back to his own apartment, "getting yelled at by a 'mullet-fag' isn't as frightening as getting yelled at by a bipolar bitch."

I laughed along, "I couldn't agree more."

xXxXx

Our day went pretty smoothly from there. Small talk, a few laughs, and the occasional scares from the boys next door. They were just two trouble-maker-drop-outs that didn't have anywhere to go. Demyx often wished he could 'aid them in their death.'

"Hey you hear that?"

I looked up from my drink, which happened to be a beer. "What?" Within the few hours we spent together, Demyx convinced me to drink. 'Stop being a wuss. You get only one chance, live it the best damn way you can,' he said. And you know what? It wasn't _that_ bad.

"Axel's home!" Demyx jumped up like a dog to his master, but stopped at the door before opening it. "And…he's drunk."

I put down my alcoholic beverage and placed my ear against the door, "how can you tell?"

"Sorry, best friend thing." He opened the door and I pulled away, and just as he said: Axel was drunk. But what he failed to mention was that he was mad.

"What the hell you guys lookin' at?" A large can of beer, what seemed to have the height of two cans placed on top of each other, swung from his lowered hand. By the sound it made when Axel staggered, it was almost empty.

"Hey, pal, what's wrong?" 'Mullet-boy' hurried over to Axel's side as he attempted to open the door with his drunken hands. "I can tell that's not your first one." Demyx pushed open the door and led him inside. I walked in but stayed behind at the door, afraid I might get lashed at.

"Leave me alone." He lifted his arms to shove off his friend but ended up falling over into his chair. "Nothing happened, go away."

"Come on, you can tell me." Demyx leaned in closer and draped an arm over Axel. The red-head didn't take too well to this and made direct contact to Demyx's face with his fist.

"I said, 'leave me alone!'"

Demyx retreated over to me from where I was leaning against the door. "Ok, your turn," he said, his voice nasally from holding his battered nose.

"What," I hissed at him, not wanting Axel to hear us scheming behind him, "he's _your_ best friend!" _Was that jealously in my voice just now?_

"Yeah, but he likes _you_!" I could feel my cheeks burning.

"Touché."

I approached Axel, carefully, and took a seat across. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just drop it you guys." He pulled out a ring of keys from his uniform pocket and threw them on his shelf. I've seen those keys before.

"Where'd you get those?"

"Nowhere," he replied in an irritated voice, getting up to grab a beer from his fridge to replace his depleted one.

I looked over at Demyx who stood there, watching, having more faith in me than himself. He nodded at me and I knew what he wanted me to do: "Did you have to help someone today?" Pry.

The emotional male took a large drink from his beer, not looking at me, "Yeah."

_I'm getting somewhere._

"Who?"

I'm sure behind that beer Axel was smiling. "Xigbar."

"How?"

"He decided to go the same way we attempted to last night."

"With his truck?"

Axel spun on his heel and faced me. "Heh, he didn't do it too long ago. He still might be _alive_ right now."

_Demyx, are you sure taking the pills away was a smart thing?_

The door opened as quickly as it was slammed. Demyx's foot steps could be heard running back to his apartment. Axel may have lost his sense of humanity but Demyx still had his.

"Actually, he wouldn't, but that was good enough to get rid of mullet-boy. Let's get to work."

Here he goes again, "how?"

Axel walked to his shelf and pulled off a black object. He flipped out a five-inch blade from it. "Gimmie your wrist."

I jumped out of my chair and backed away, "no!"

He held out a shaking hand, beckoning me over. "Come on, Roxy, it won't be _that_ bad."

"Axel, I'm sure there's a better way. Besides, it's really messy."

He advanced toward me with his hand still out, "it's ok, I don't mind. I'll just bring your body to my shower and let the blood go down the drain." I would have made a joke about that if I wasn't fending for my life.

"Axel, please stop." My legs backed me up until they bumped into a bed. Axel was getting closer and I had nowhere to go.

"Roxas, trust me." His smile was a welcoming one, but with him, who could tell what facial expressions meant?

"Stay back!" I jumped onto the bed, but that didn't add much distance between us.

"Please, Roxas, I just want to help you." He stopped at the bed and lowered the knife. His sweet smile made his outstretched hand more tempting. "Please." I stupidly fell for the bait.

"Don't make it hurt." Why was I being so afraid? I asked Axel to help me but I was repeatedly rejecting it. It's time I stop being a wuss.

"Don't worry; come over here." He led me to the bathroom and positioned my upturned wrist over the sink.

"_You get only one chance…"_

"You ready?"

"You always ask me this," I swallowed a hard lump in my throat, "just do it." I shut my eyes and promised myself not to open them.

"Ok." I felt the cold edge of the blade pressed against my wrist. The way I was tensing up my arm probably made it more of an easy target. Axel hesitated, why does he have to make it so suspenseful?

"…_live it the best damn way you can."_

_Sorry, Demyx. This is the best way. Axel's ready, I'm ready, let's get it over with. It was fun. I hope when it's your turn to 'go,' I'll see you wherever I go._

A depressed sigh escaped my executioner's lips.

_You too, Axel._

I felt my wrist lowered gently into the sink. _Funny, I didn't feel that at all._ I broke the promise to myself and slowly opened my eyes. Nothing. No blood, no mess, no cut. "What's going on? Why are you stopping?"

Axel snapped back the knife and shoved it into his pocket. "This isn't what you want," he stated, angrily.

I was pretty mad too, "what do you mean? Why does this always happen, when we're so close to the goal something happens to screw it all up!"

He gazed at the floor while he reached around his back pocket for his cigarettes. He put the pack to his mouth and drew a white stick with his teeth. I impulsively grabbed the package from him and took my own. Politely, Axel lit a match and brought it to my cigarette before his. "Dumb ass, this is no different than murder." He exited the bathroom and headed to the door. "And personally, I don't want to be held responsible when I go to hell."

"Where are you going," I asked as I followed him.

"_I'm_ going to the store. Running low on booze."

"Do you need _more_? I bet you had like three before you came home."

"Yes and for the record: I had five." He lifted his hand to show how many he'd had but his lack of sobriety gave me the middle finger.

"Thanks," I replied sarcastically. Shutting the door behind him, I stood there with my ear against it, listening to him trudge down the hall in a drunken daze.

xXxXx

Wow. Finally! I like pushed myself to write that. I had a lot of fun; screwed up a drawing in the process.

Sorry it took me so long to update. School started for me and I want to die. Like they say, junior year's the hardest. But don't expect me to just drop this story. I like it too much. :)

Also, about cliffhangers: I was going to end the story right before Roxas was going to get cut, but I think people would have hit me over the head with a shovel and been like, **"Oh. Em. Geee! Quit giving us fucking cliffhangers!" **Well there. It wasn't exactly a cliffhanger.

Well, it might take me a while to get Chapter Seven.

_-Lady of the Cards-_


	7. The Overdose

Author's notes: Hah. I got a review that reads, "OO Poor Roxas, And what makes Axel think he knows what Roxas wants? Why did Xigbar decide to go? Will Roxas and Axel EVER kiss?" Ok, this seriously made me crack up. Why? In chapter six, it was my original plan that before Roxas wakes up from his sleep, he was supposed to receive a kiss from Axel because of Xigbar's teasing. Why I took it out? Because in my opinion, it seemed too random and I couldn't quite make it blend. If that makes any sense… –puts hardhat on- Please, don't hurt me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in.

But I do need to give credit to my friend, Aryll, who wrote a big chunk of the lyrics later mentioned. She's awesome, thank you.

**WARNING: Violence, violence, violence, and a tad bit of death.**

I love reviews. They feel like happy. Enjoy chapter seven!

* * *

**Chapter Seven: The Overdose**

_Knock, knock._

"Hey, Demyx, you ok," I sternly asked as I had to raise my voice to be heard over the chuckling of next door.

"Um," he opened the door about two inches, his eyes poking out, "kinda…yeah, I guess."

"What Axel said, about Xigbar-"

"I was going to go see him," he cut off. "But, that would have been stupid. It's what he wants and I can't stop him. I just don't understand why."

My shoulders slumped and I was found at a loss. What do you tell someone who lost a friend who practically killed themselves? Screw this 'aiding them in their death' crap! "Demyx, go! Maybe there's still time left! Maybe Xigbar **is** still alive!" My voice had a sudden burst of enthusiasm; it was enough to convince Demyx.

"Ok, I'll go." He walked past me, closing the door behind him. When he reached the stairs, he stopped. "Knowing Axel, wouldn't it be locked?"

I crossed my arms and looked up, into my brain. "Well, he did lock the door with me, I think. So," my blue eyes met Demyx's, "yeah." His shoulder's sagged as he let out a sigh of defeat. His body seemed to slump together like a deflating accordion. "Lucky for you, Axel left the keys here."

* * *

The shattering of glass woke me from my slight slumber, followed by a forceful slam into the wall. "Ass-wipe! I need this!"

"Come on! Just two bottles that's it! You have like, lots of them!" A rattling could be heard behind the door. "Oh my god," snickered Hayner, "you really are PMS man!" Axel let out an infuriated growl and I'm pretty sure a punch was thrown.

"Hah! Hayner, he's so wasted! Let's get out of here!" Although I couldn't see it, the sounds illustrated a picture of what was happening: the two mischief-makers ran away, leaving Axel with his booze and rattling object. I still couldn't place my finger on what it was. Steps approached the door and I waited calmly in the chair at the table for him to open the door.

"I hate those guys," Axel rolled his eyes and placed two grocery bags in front of me. He pulled out an empty, cardboard beer holder and tossed it into the trash bin in the kitchen. I'm sure some of those were stolen and the others were on the floor. "Well? Drink up."

My jaw dropped, "you got all these for me?" My eyes scanned over the four packs of beer.

"Hell no," Axel snorted, "Some of these are for tomorrow. You may have as much as you'd like, though."

I hesitated before grabbing one, "why are you being so nice?"

Axel pulled one out and snapped off the bottle cap with ease. "Nice? Roxas, Roxas, did you forget why I'm doing this?"

Sadness hit me like a brick to the face, "oh, yeah. You want to get rid of me." The drunken man pulled out a bottle and set it down in front of me, like he was taunting me to drink it. I raised one of my eyebrows, "you want to get rid of me through alcohol poisoning?"

Axel reached into a pocket and pulled out a balled fist, inside something rattled. "Nope, sleeping pills," he smirked. "I know you don't like pain, so I got some pills."

"But what's the beer for?"

There was an awkward silence between us as he placed the pills back in his pocket, "from personal experience, I've learned that beer is a good drink to put people into an easy sleep. So, you better start drinking!" His cheerfulness sickened me. "Also, alcohol is the best medication to end sadness and forget," he winked at me. I want to slap that smile off his face. "And forgetting this will be for the best." Yell at him for how stupid he is, stupid for killing his friends to end their pain, rather than sharing the pain. That's what friends are for right? But who am I to think these things? I'm the same as Axel. "And I certainly want to forget you."

_Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my savior._

* * *

"So, Xigbar takes off 'is eye patch and yells at duh guy, 'FUCK OFF!'" Axel and I roared with laughter. After four beers, I'm feeling pretty good. We were in our own little world, laughing, drinking, and enjoying the time we had left of each other. "Yeah, he wuz uh great guy." The redhead lifted his beer to the ceiling, "for Xigbar!"

"For Xigbar," I chimed in as we downed the alcohol. We simultaneously slammed our bottles onto the table and let out an earth-trembling belch. Again, another roar of laughter.

"Good god, Roxas, yer uh riot," he slapped his knee and let out a content sigh. By this point in the night, Axel's speech has began to slur due to his consumption. "Ya know, I wuz planning on slipping arsenic in yer drink but I couldn' fine any."

A firecracker explosion sounded between us. "What?"

Before I could get any answers, Axel shoved another bottle at me, "Here."

"I couldn't have ano-"

"Not fer you! Demyx! He deserves one after the bitch I've been today."

"But first, tell me: why-"

"Don't be a bitch," he said in a playful voice, "just give 'em the beer!"

I took it but objected, "why don't you give it to him?"

Axel waved an arm to shoo me off, "too lazy."

I left to do as instructed and luckily ran into Demyx at his door. "Hey, man," I greeted him with a salutation I wouldn't normally use.

He jumped and put his back to the wall, shocked. "R-Roxas!"

"Wha," I drunkenly replied, holding out the drink. Another reason why I hated alcohol, it gave me the 'stupid effect,' as I like to call it.

The mullet-boy didn't take it, just stared past it at…me? Was I that drunk? Within the time frame he checked me out, I observed him, as well. He was paranoid about something; a guilty dog with its ears folded behind its head; a child hiding in a corner after committing a heinous deed; a criminal with his head lowered to hide the shame: either way, something was wrong and it just wasn't his shirt he was wearing backwards. "Demyx? Your shirt's on…" before I could finish, my eyes caught a glint of silver at his torso, I couldn't help but to look down, despite how many crude jokes Demyx could have made. He saw my glance and looked down with me; his zipper was undone. A rosy-red flashed on his cheeks as he spun around to fix the problem. "What's wrong with you? You're acting really weird."

Demyx looked behind his shoulder at me. "I d-didn't do anything."

"I didn't say you did."

_Caught._

He sighed and dug in his pocket for his key. "Look, maybe I did something, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you," he snapped at me as he attempted to put the key in the door with his quivering hand.

"Hey, take it easy." I walked towards him and took the key. "You don't have to tell me, ok? I was just wondering if you were ok." I twisted the key, unlocking the door. The beer was forced into Demyx's hands. "Relax." My feet began to retreat slowly, watching the talented youth, making sure he wasn't going to do something crazy.

Just as I turned my back to him, he called out to me, "Roxas, catch!" I whipped around and clumsily caught the keys Demyx 'borrowed' to open the garage. "Thank you," he said, nodding his head at me in recognition.

I returned the nod and walked back into Axel's apartment. The placed the garage keys on the shelf and took a seat across from Axel. He was so 'sloshed' he didn't even notice the jingle of the keys.

"Where were we," I asked as I reached for a beer.

"Ya know, I wuz planning on slipping 'arse-in-ick' in to yer drink?"

"Come again?"

"Are-sin-ick?" Axel was seriously drunk. I'm sure he won't remember anything by tomorrow morning, and have a major hangover.

"Arsenic?"

"Yeah, that word," he giggled.

"**Arsenic!** You were going to poison me," I jumped up and slammed down my drink, almost spilling it.

Axel became defensive, "could you blame me? You are one stubborn son-of-a-bitch. Just drop dead already!"

I jumped out of my seat, and Axel did the same. "So you were planning on murdering me?"

"Yeah, I thought it be that, but after so many kills, who's keeping count?"

I pointed a finger to the ceiling, "God is!"

"Please, Roxas," Axel snorted, "you know I dun believe in God."

"Then why try to 'aid' others, rather than killing them?" Axel crossed his arms, and closed his arms, in deep thought. He began to tap his foot.

"Ta be honest, I dun know. It's kinda just uh tradition."

I stepped back disgusted, "tradition? So you expect to be doing this your whole life?"

Axel opened his eyes, "basically, yeah." I took back my seat and reached for my drink but withdrew my hand.

"Screw this! Give me the pills." Axel watched me as if I had said nothing. "Well?" My blue eyes darted up to his uniquely colored ones, which had multiplied due to the level of alcohol in my system.

"Fine." He reached for his pocket and pulled out the small, cylindrical bottle. "Knock yerself out, literally." I snatched the rattling bottle out of his hands before he could set it on the table. I tried the read the orange label but it just looked like muddled-English. My languid hands tried to pop off the cap, but not only was it child proof but drunk-proof, too. "Need uh hand?" I didn't give a reply; I was too upset with him.

_"Chill, Roxas. This'll be over soon,"_ I told myself, _"hopefully."_ Axel, also, had troubles with the stubborn bottle. I took a seat at the bed, just as a heard a pop.

"Ah, hah!" A drunken, serene Axel plopped onto the mattress next to me. He looked so out of it. His eyes began to shut but a quick crack of a firework. "Shit! They're going to kill someone with those!"

"Axel, what if these don't work? What if I sleep for a long time but wake up?" He turned his head to me and gave me a sheepish smile. In the corner of his mouth, there was a droplet of saliva seeping out.

"Dun worry. Even if you wake up later, I'll wait until you do, so we can start this process all over again." He leaned in, his eyes had turned opaque. I wasn't sure if he was really there any more after 9 beers. A hand thrust into mine and pulled away, leaving 8 orange tablets. Without another thought, I shoved them into my mouth and swallowed. It was swallowing bees, stingers and all. "Night, Roxas."

I laid my head down and wished for sleep. It was expected for the medication to take a while before it seeped in. "Axel, do you really want to forget me?" He didn't answer, in fact, he ignored me. The red-head got up and walked to the other side of the room. _I guess that's a yes. _"Why me and not them," I referred to the shelf cluttered with assorted items. Axel walked back over and took a seat next to me, like how a mother would with her child. He didn't say anything, he just let his hand run through my hair. Normally, I wouldn't let people do this, but it felt so comforting. My eyes began to sag, I didn't want to go to sleep until I had the answer, but he didn't want to give it to me. "Why," I hissed as I closed my eyes.

"Silly boy," he chuckled, his grip on my head getting firmer, but still pleasant. "I-"

_Damn him. Damn him and his soothing hands._

* * *

I'm not sure what I did. Maybe watching Axel kill his friends is just as good as doing it yourself, but for whatever the reason, I think I'm in hell. It's humid and it smells like ash. It's like there's one-hundred cigars under my nose. This place sucks. What did I do to deserve this? If I ever see Axel again, and most likely I will, I'll be sure to tell him that "aiding people" gets them a first-class ticket to hell.

It bites, I can't breath, or if I do, I'll only get lung-fulls of ash. It's not fair! There's no oxygen!

_Help!_

I opened my eyes to see the room flooded with smoke. It didn't help that the collar of my shirt was over my mouth, I was still coughing a wheezing. On the opposite corner, there was Axel: out like a light.

_This isn't right? Am I a ghost?_

I jumped up from the bed and looked back at the mattress: no body, I am alive! Was God inflicting his wrath on me? Keeping me alive to do what? I glanced around the room, the thick black smoke was only getting worse. Axel would have surely died if I didn't do anything. My jelly-like legs wobbled over to the other side of the room; I shoved the drunken man, he groaned but no signs of getting up.

Time was decaying as were we, if we stayed here any longer. I began to ravagly shake Axel, along with a few hits. "What the hell," he shouted, jumping up. "Roxas what's-" he had a coughing fit just as I did.

"We need to get out of here!" Axel nodded and picked up his hoodie which was laying on the floor. He balled it up and stuck it to his face and followed me out the door.

"Wait," Axel called just as I put my hand on the door knob.

I withdrew my hand and shook it about, "ow!" Axel shoved the garage keys in his pocket and ran over to the door. "There's a fire on the other side!"

"Stand back," he drew me away from the door and brought his foot up. The door easily gave away and a wave of heat struck us. "Shit." Axel pushed on and went into the fire engulfed hallway. I followed and stopped at the sight of the body lying on the floor.

"**Demyx!**"

"Shit," Axel fell on his knees next to him and tried to prop him up.

"The assholes," he coughed out, "their fireworks." Demyx pushed Axel away and got up. "We don't have much time. This building is old, it'll fall apart any second." Luckily, the stairway wasn't blocked off, so we took our leave.

"Wait," halfway down the stairs, Demyx stopped, "my sitar!" He let go and ran back to his room, which was dangerously close to the fire.

"No! Leave it!"

"Damn it, what's he up to," Axel growled.

"He left his sitar in his room."

The sweating red-head pushed me to the side and ran up the stairs and to Demyx's apartment but was stopped when a support beam next to the door collapsed in the way. "Shit! Demyx!" I slowly walked up and watched the scene unfold in front of me. Axel took his hoodie and began to beat on the fallen piece of wood. "**Fuck!**" His beating wasn't doing much but getting his clothing charred.

"Axel, stop!" He looked up, panting furiously. "Leave it, if this is the way it's meant to be…"

"**NO!**" Axel dropped his hoodie and put his hands to his ears. "**Don't say it!**" He hunched over, trying to avoid Demyx's eyes but his heart told him he had to see it.

I wasn't close enough to hear what Demyx said, but through the blurry gaze of the fire, I could still make out the words: "…then, let it be that way." He turned away, with a small smile on his face and walked into the darkness of his apartment. I thought after that, I was never going to see him, but from a distance I could see his face appear again. "Axel, catch," he called out as a small object was thrown through the fire. He looked up and causally caught it in his hands.

"Wait! Why?" Demyx just smiled and gave a silent 'thank you' as he turned and walked away. Axel could sense defeat and wasn't going to go after him; instead, he turned to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me down the stairs. "Come on, we need to get out of here!"

Running out of the sweltering building into the cool air was the best feeling. I let go of my shirt and took a breath of fresh air. Outside, there was many interesting people who, I assume, lived in that building. To the side, a few people were crowding around the two teens that were playing with fireworks. "What the hell is wrong with you? You could have killed someone!"

_How right they are._

_Oh, please baby, don't forget me_

_My body may be gone but my soul is still here_

_I've heard this song before…_

_Even if you ignore me, the memory is still there_

_Please don't forget or I'll only be dust in the air_

A strong tenor voice could be heard through the arguing, accompanied by a mellow sitar. Everyone stopped and looked up at the burning building, lighting up the night sky.

_When the love left the heart_

_Bitterness reigned wild_

_Over the shadows of corpses_

_That only wanted a home_

I looked over at Axel, he was focusing on a window which I was sure was Demyx's. His fist clenched around the unknown item given to him. I looked up at the window and squinted my eyes. In the midst of smoke, a faint outline of a lanky male could be seen, holding the oversized instrument.

_When we held our hands so tight_

_We never believed we'd be ripped apart_

_Lies and secrets grow so strong_

_That even closed eyes can see_

Sirens quickly approached our location and didn't stop to listen. "You have to hurry! There's someone in there," a woman frantically cried out, her teary eyes never leaving the window. The firemen attached their hoses and began to spray the building while a few others went in with their fire axes.

_Baby, I want to be brilliance in your mind_

_I want to be a light that's always on_

_You'll never come home to darkness_

_And you'll never be alone_

The fire was getting worse and the building was collapsing. No one was coming out. I looked up at Axel; a grin was spread on his face. He was about to burst with laughter any second, I won't bitch about it this time though, he'll need laughter to get over this loss.

_Oh, please baby, don't forget me..._

His voice faltered and the outline disappeared. "Dear god, Axel. He's singing about…Naminé, isn't he?"

Axel gave a solemn nod, "yeah, he knew it was wrong, but he loved her with all his heart."

"And so, his parents kicked him out," I finished.

"Yeah," He sat down on the ground and stared at his feet, chuckling to himself. I looked down at him, just as he made his crescendo up to his cynical laughter. He tossed his head to watch the fire burn, tears in his eyes.

"Axel!" I fell to the ground next to him. "Please don't."

He quieted down and lifted the object from his hands, "thank you, Demyx," he whispered as he opened his hand to reveal an orange cylinder bottle. It had a white label wrapped around it which had Axel's first and last name.

"Is that the medicine?"

Axel nodded, the tears kept gushing, "with this, Roxas," he looked up at me, "I can finally be myself." He gave a friendly kiss to the bottle and opened it. There was about six pills in it. Axel took one and swallowed. He smiled at me, "sorry, but these should make me better. I won't be a hormonal teenage bitch."

A thought struck me, "Axel, why did those two idiots call you "PMS man?'"

"They found out about my disorder."

Their words echoed in my head, '_you really are PMS man!_' "But the way they said it, it sounded like he confirmed it."

Axel looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry Roxas but I can't lie to you any more." He reached in his pocket and pulled out the sleeping pills and handed it to me. I wasn't as drunk as earlier so I could read the label.

"'Menstra-gone?' What the hell?" I read the side of the label, "'used for: headaches, soreness, and menstrual cramps.'" I narrowed my eyes at Axel, "you never had any intent on killing me, did you?"

"That's not true!" He whipped his head at me. "I wanted to at first but…then, I dunno…you seemed so much different from the others."

"Who?"

"My friends. They all-"

"I don't care about your fucking friends," I shouted, "what kills me is how you led me on! How long were you planning on doing this!"

Axel leaned away and I stood up, looking down at him. "I'm sorry, Roxas. I don't know. I knew the charade had to end sometime but I never wanted to-"

"**SHUT UP!**" I flung out my hands and stared at him. So much time wasted, so many things said, so many friends made. "How long, how long have you not wanted to 'aid' me?"

"Excuse me; are you two friends of the man that was singing?" I turned around, a fireman was standing there, panting, covered with ashes and sweat. He took a step back, surprised at the sight of me. Probably because I was pretty young compared to all the others that lived in the building.

"No," Axel replied. I turned my head back to him; tears were welling up in his eyes again.

"Do you happen to-"

"Please leave," I said, knowing Axel didn't want to hear anything. His 'real' self was back, and it just got a face-full of the real world.

"Sorry," he said as he left to assist the other firemen.

Axel spoke in a tone I've never heard, the medication must be working, "ever since…after the fire…I didn't even want to hurt you."

_What is he trying to do? Make me stay?_

"Axel, is all you really want, is make me stay?" I kneeled down to him. "Are you really that-"

"I hate to interrupt," we looked behind us to see Zexion standing with his arms crossed over his chest, "but I believe you just lost your home."

"What are you doing here," Axel spat at him.

A twisted grin spread across his face, "this fire is all over the news and seeing how you never really 'helped' me…"

* * *

Ok. I give you permission to bash me, hate me, yell at me, anything. I know I deserve some type of "**DIE BETCH**" for not updating in a long time. But here's a secret: **if I'm not working on a fanfic I am most likely either drawing or playing video games.** So technically, if I'm not updating my fanfic then I'm updating my deviant art. If you want a link or a screen name, feel free to ask.

-sigh- I'm really sorry this took so long. School's a bitch, my friends are turning into bitches, and I'm turning into one…kinda… I finally beat Kingdom Hearts II on hard mode so more time should be devoted into updating stuff. I can't say how long it'll take for chapter 8 to go up. Maybe…a while…I dunno. I really crammed in writing, like, I was writing **during class.** But enough monologue-ing.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and **please review**. (Also, I'm a sucker for beggars and whiners, those typically get me writing.)

_-Lady of the Cards-_

P.S.

I've been told that I write some pretty random stuff into my fanfic, but here's another secret: nothing is random. Everything has a reason for happening in the story. So if you're like, "wtf! Why's his shirt backwards!" _There's a reason_.


	8. The End

Author's notes: sigh This was fun. How many months did this take me to complete? Don't even answer, I already know: **too many. **I re-uploaded this because to my knowledge, no one (including myself) did not get an alert when I updated the story. (And I'm trying to fix it or something, it just really worries me)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in.

**WARNING:** The usual stuff: death, morbidness, violence, swearing.

another sigh Enjoy, please review.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: The End**

"Stop," Axel's hand went up just as he did, "I already know where you're going with this. His greenish-eyes took one last look at the fire before his fingers casually rubbed his eyes to hide his tears.

"I have my ride waiting a block away." Axel turned around; his puffy eyes were barely noticeable due to the light emitted from the fire behind him. I took one last glance; firemen were beginning to exit the building. _'Empty handed,'_ I assumed to myself as I turned away and followed Zexion down the sidewalk, past the festering crowds, to the car hiding in the shadows.

"Damn." I looked up to see Axel next to me, in thought, as we walked.

"What?"

He didn't acknowledge the fact I was listening to him, "one left."

Zexion was walking ahead. He was no longer a human, just a walking grave. _And me?_ I looked down at my chest and closed my eyes, listening for my heart beat. I knew it was working, keeping me alive long enough to bring me to my end, but I couldn't hear it.

_I guess I'm just as dead as Zexion._

* * *

Behind tinted windows, images of reality are distorted to give you nothing but a lie. Or…that's how I saw it as I walked out of the luxurious car. Although it was dark, anyone could see the beauty in the unlit mansion.

"Wow…" Axel awed at the un-illuminated home.

"Amazing," I joined. I looked over my shoulder to see the youth that lived in _that_ haven. He stood outside of the car, close to the chauffeur. I could barely hear them:

"Is this good night, master?" asked the silver-haired man, his face just as emotionless as his passenger. Zexion's voice was too soft to be heard. He placed a hand on the chauffeur's shoulder and nodded, "farewell, young master." The chauffeur gave a small bow and entered the driver's seat and was gone like Demyx's chances of living.

"What was that about?" Axel cocked his head to the side.

"Nothing," replied the youth, emotionlessly, "let's get this over with and I'll let you have your reward."

Axel sighed and walked next to me as we followed him into the paradoxical haven.

* * *

It pestered me like a mosquito to be in such a contradictory home.

_White as snow floors, I'd hate to see them covered in blood._

I shook my head, banishing that thought away. "_Where the hell did that come from? I've been around Axel too much."_

"This is beautiful," I busted out, wishing the images of red liquid out of my brain. I looked over at a wall. Just as white as the floors.

_White walls? Might as well be a canvas._

My hands shot up to my temples and rubbed them in a circular motion. _"It's probably the stress of all this death. I shouldn't let it get to me."_

The red-head snickered, "yeah, it kinda makes me feel bad for getting shit-faced in here." He looked at Zexion nervously, who was standing near the stairs. "No hard feelings of course?" Zexion didn't say anything; he just walked up the stairs, expecting us to follow him. "Jeez, prick. I've never seen someone so eager to- Roxas!" I lifted my head to the sound of my name. Axel huddled over me, grabbing my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "What's wrong?" I straightened my back and looked around the room. The white was intimidating.

"When can we leave," I whispered.

Axel pulled me into an embrace, "soon." His hand stroked my hair, just as he did when I was laying down before the fire, "it scares me too, buddy." He pulled away and took another pill. "Stay here," he commanded, watching me as he walked up the stairs.

I found an inviting chair next to a decorative pot; both being white, of course.

_Lucky bitch. His death comes sooner than mine._

My palms covered my ears. _"Whose thoughts are these?"_ I was battling a demon that I could not see. A demon that I did not know. A demon one could not fathom. _How do you win against something like this?_ I shut my eyes and wished for them to go away. _"Why am I thinking these things? This isn't me!" _I squeezed my eyes until I could see nothing but black. But even away from the white room, I could still hear _its_ thoughts.

_Just be patient, he'll be back and I'll go._

A hand touched my shoulder and shook it violently. "Roxas!" Axel, again, was there at my side, worried about me. "You were whimpering. Don't worry, I'm here." He gave a warm grin but his face went back to its worried state. "Hey, why are you so pale?"

I shoved him off and jumped out of the chair, "I'm fine!"

"No you're not." Axel reached into his pocket and pulled out his pills. He handed one to me. "Take it. I can see it's sinking into you, too."

"**Get that thing away from me!**" My hand swung across his and struck the pill away, soaring into an unknown area of the room. I brought my hand up again to bring it across Axel's face but he stopped it.

"Roxas, listen to me. I was blind at first but you're just like me!" I don't want to hear anymore. My other hand went up to strike him, but again, failed.

"How dare you categorize me with the likes of you!" Struggling against his force did nothing but make me look like a fool, wriggling against him. For a stick-thin man, he was strong.

"I'm serious! You're going insane, please just take the damn pill and we'll end this!"

I managed to break free from his hold, "forget it!" I sped toward the door but Axel pounced on top of me, pinning me to the ground. My forehead banged into the ground and whip lashed back to hit it again. _That left a bruise. _He flipped me over and my eyes went all over the room.

_These walls were made to be painted with _**_his_**_ blood._

"**NO!**" I screamed out to the white walls. Before I could say anything more, a fist knocked me up against the side of my head. _That sure shut me up._

"Are you going to listen to me now?" My blue eyes trailed from the walls, to the floor, up along Axel's face, over those triangular tattoos, and to his eyes. I nodded. He got up and handed me another pill. I would have taken it if I knew what just happened. I lost control. I _lost_ control. _I _**_lost _**_control._ The red head sighed at my motionless body and kneeled down to my side. He leveled me and put the pill in my agape mouth. A slight tilt of my chin brought the pill to go down my throat. "I felt the same way after Vexen."

I shifted my head to look at him. His face…it was so sad…

_His real emotion._

"You've probably already heard from Demyx how I've been like this," he placed a hand on his chest, "it was kind of predicted to happen. Remember how Xaldin died a year ago?" My eyes widened, the pieces were fitting together.

"So it was insanity that brought everyone to their death?" He watched me, like I had more to say, which I did, "including you."

"Yes," he nodded. "I think it's a curse for anyone to get wrapped in this dilemma. Slowly the fear, the pain, the suffering eats into their soul until they are nothing but insanity." He thrust his head away from me, hiding his face, "I should have killed you. I shouldn't have kept you here so long." He pulled me up to my feet. "Zexion said in his father's study there's a gun." Axel walked forward but my legs were jelly: too weak to support me. "Hey!" Axel draped my arm around his shoulder and helped me to the study.

* * *

Axel slammed a foot into a wooded door, painted white. Inside: a study not-so-white. A deep cherry-brown wood color. It looked antique, yet magnificent. Axel set me down in the middle of the floor, in the center of the red rug. I sat there staring at the tan walls, thankful that it was not white. Axel was to the far right of me, digging in what I assume to be Zexion's father's desk. He walked back with a silver pistol in his hand. "I've never used a gun before."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, but it can't be too hard right," he snickered but caught himself laughing and resorted to taking another pill.

"Yeah." Axel walked behind me and I could feel the gun's presence behind my head.

"I don't want you to see."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Fire when ready." It was amazing how calm I was. It was probably the power of Axel's medication. _So real._

There was an elephant sitting in the room and it's name was 'hesitation.' "Well?" Axel didn't reply. I wanted to turn around but _BLAM! _could have happened right in my face and I didn't want to see that. There was sniffling behind me. Was he crying? "Axel, you ok?" I craned my head over a little, exposing the side of my face to him, but not being about to see him with my own eyes. There was a click and I knew he was about to fire. I whipped my head back in it's original position and waited.

_Dear god, he is crying._

"Good-bye R-Roxas," said a muffled Axel. I don't know how but I knew that gun was no longer pointed at my head.

"**NO!**" I yelled as I spun around only to stumble over Axel, which knocked the pistol out of his mouth. He fired a shot during this fall out; luckily it only skimmed his ear.

"Shit!" The red head pulled away and stood up, holding the gun to his head. His body was hunched over and moving up and down, due to the panting. He looked like a mad man. "Good-bye!"

_I wasn't there in time._

"**NO!**" I screamed, wincing, anticipating blood splattering across the study.

_He _**_could_**_ have died._

"What the hell?" _Click, click, click._ Axel continued to pull the trigger over, and over.

_Luckily…_

"**DAMMIT!**" The gun went speeding to the wall and bounced off of it, falling to the ground with the barrel open for me to see.

…_there was only one bullet left._

"Thank god," I sighed. Axel didn't take to that comment too well and walked over to me. I looked up at him from the floor and smiled, reassuringly.

_Bad idea._

Axel's foot went into my chin and kicked me back. The back of my head hit the ground with such force I should've had a concussion right now. I groaned with pain feeling like my skull had been cracked by cement instead of wood. "What's wrong with you!" I shouted. It didn't make any sense. I saw him take the pill, why is he so moody? Unless if this is…

"…_real."_

"I thought out of all the people I knew, _you'd_ understand." Axel turned his face away, his tears were becoming more rapid.

"What did I do?" I though out loud to myself. But I didn't understand. "Please tell me."

He looked back at me with a face full of scorn. "Why should I tell you? You didn't and will never understand." I sat up and looked at him. His teeth dug into his lower lip as he watched me struggle for an answer.

My fists grabbed the carpet in frustration. I thought back to what I've seen and heard:

_"You know, if you're scared, I can push you."_

**_This_**_ prick._

_"Name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"_

"_I would introduce you but we'll be done by tonight."_

_"Keep it clean, ok?"_

_"Lexaeus took it like a man today."_

"_Don't ever say that. I'm not killing you. I'm _**_aiding_**_ you in your death."_

**_This_**_ prick._

"_Axel, I'm-"_

"**_SHOVE IT!_**_"_

"_Roxas, come here. Closer."_

_I wish it wasn't this painful._

"_Oh, please baby, don't forget me."_

"_My body may be gone but my soul is still here."_

"_Even if you ignore me, the memory is still there."_

"_It was a good thing…but a bad thing. He killed himself."_

_Who are these people?_

"_But Axel was the one that was suppose to-"_

_Speak of the devil._

**_This_**_ prick._

'_Aided in my death.'_

"_If I didn't have my sitar, I wouldn't know what to do."_

"_That song's special to me."_

"_Larxene's gone."_

"_How?"_

"_Gun."_

"'_Please, Marluxia, for me.'"_

"_You wanted to learn more about Axel."_

"_Well, here it is: this is Axel's life."_

"_Suicide."_

"_For Mr. Ansem."_

**_This_**_ prick._

_He wanted to forget._

"_Vexen…he went crazy when he saw Xemnas's lifeless body."_

"_Vexen wanted to die the same way…"_

"_I'll never forget that night."_

"_Axel pushed him into the oncoming train."_

"_Splat."_

"…_it drove him to take a sedative…"_

"_Choked himself to death."_

"_He knew someday he would end up like his friends and commit suicide, too."_

"_Are you scared?"_

"_What the hell is so funny?"_

"_You called it '_**_home_**_.'"_

"_I can kill two birds with one stone."_

"_We're dropping like flies."_

"_I'm not an idiot."_

"…_your '_**_collection_**_.'"_

_Just, who exactly are you, Axel?_

"_The kid's too scared."_

_Splash_

"_Oops, went a little overboard. I hope you don't mind, Roxas."_

_How can I trust a man like this to kill me?_

**_This_**_ prick._

"_It's not his fault there was gasoline all over him when he decided to light a match."_

_He's just as crazy as Axel._

"_Let me share your suffering, my love."_

"_**YOU JUST KILLED-"**_

"_We aid them in their death."_

"_Got it memorized?"_

_No._

"_Coward."_

_That could've been me._

_Why does he insist on making me feel this way?_

"_I know I've been a burden to you."_

"_Unlike you, Roxas, I don't give up so easily."_

_When would these guys actually start to make sense?_

_It was so funny how fast his mood would change, it was…_

…_unhealthy._

**_This_**_ prick._

"_How's life?"_

"_Not well."_

"…_maybe we could get this done sooner."_

"_We can do it right now."_

_"If we don't hurry then the sun's going to go down."_

_"And why does that matter?"_

_"…because, I want to give you something to remember before you leave."_

_Just let gravity do the work, I guess._

"_I won't miss next time!"_

_"I told you it would be quick but you're such a wuss!"_

"_I'm ending this. I swore it!"_

_"Am I that much of a nuisance?"_

"_Sure are!"_

**_This_**_ prick._

"…**_you_**_ have a duty to obey the client's wishes of _**_disposal_**_."_

_"But, he's such a coward!"_

_"…but aren't you too, Axel?"_

**_This_**_ prick._

My memories stopped reeling in front of my eyes. "Why didn't I see it?" Axel looked over at me, waiting for me to finish. "Zexion saw it. Why didn't I?" My blue eyes locked onto his uniquely colored ones, "you don't want to die lonely." Axel was still silent, there was more, "yet, you don't want to do it yourself."

He sighed, "I really didn't want to shoot myself, I was…scared. And I couldn't leave you. That wouldn't be fair." I got up, wobbling around, woozy from the hits on my head, front and back. I leaned on the wall for support.

"So, what do we do?"

Axel shrugged his shoulders and dug his hands in his pockets. His eyes widened as he pulled out a bundle clutched in his hand. He opened his hand and showed me: keys. We looked at each other and back at the keys, then each other, and again, back at the keys. "Should we?"

"You're not going to screw up again, are you?"

"You know I did that on purpose. Besides, this time, we're doing something different." His lips formed into a mischievous grin.

_I don't like this, but it's my only hope._

"What are you planning?"

"You'll see. For now, let's get out of here."

"With what ride," I asked, stumbling over to him.

Axel scratched the back of his head, "well I was thinking of just walking there, or maybe running," he added looking at the time: five thirty a.m. "We don't want to do it when the sun's out, people will notice and the plan will be ruined. We'd better hurry."

I leaned on the wall, again. "How, I can barely stand thanks to _your_ punt!"

"Get on my back, I'll carry you there."

His comment made me stumble backward, "what?"

"Come on," he grabbed my wrist and led me out of the study and back into the white room, "your gawking is wasting moonlight." He dragged me and crouched on the ground when we were outside, "jump on."

There was no point in arguing, Axel wouldn't take 'no.' "Are you sure you can do this?" I asked, getting on.

"Yeah, did you forget that I was in track?"

"No, but can you run and carry me at the same time?" His arms felt like the trunk of a tree, strong and sturdy.

Axel smirked, "for you, my friend, I'd do anything." I felt my face turn red; luckily, I was behind his head, out of sight.

* * *

The sun was just beginning to rise when we got there. Axel fiercely dug for the keys in his pocket, when he found them; he shoved them into the door knob but quickly pulled them back out. "No wait, not this one." The red head inched backward, staring at the door, "'occupado,'" he joked but cut his laughing off. "No," he stated, almost ripping apart his pocket to get his pills. "One left," Axel dumped the orange bottle and attempted to let the small pill fall into his quivering hand. The white tablet fell to the ground; Axel panicked and dove to get it.

"Calm down!" I shouted, gripping the man's shoulder. That flamboyant red-haired head jerked around to look up at me. His greenish eyes had paranoia in them. "This is **it**. No need to rush." Those words only made him even jitterier. Axel struggled to pick the pill off the ground, violently shaking all over the place, and shoved it in his mouth, along with a few grains of dirt. I took my hand away and watched him scoff at the inedible pieces. "Axel," he looked up. From my standing position, looking down at him, on his knees, he resembled a stray dog.

_Pitiful._

Axel went back to his humane senses after the back-handed slap given to him across his face. He sat there for a moment, frozen where I left him. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me." Axel got back onto is feet and walked over to the next door. He placed a key in and opened the door. The garage was completely empty except for the shelf with a few tools and items, including a can full of what I suspect to be gasoline. Axel darted to the can and opened it, "Roxas, close the door behind you." I did as he commanded and walked into the center of the room. There was only a beam of light shining through a small window at the back of the garage.

"What are you doing?" Axel dumped the gasoline on the floor in an organized manner: making a semi-circle against a wall.

"Roxas this is it," he stated tossing the now empty can to the side. "Stand there," he pointed at where the center of the circle would be, against the wall. Before joining me, he lit a match and threw it into the train of liquid. It was pretty neat seeing the gasoline light up in a flash but I was in the middle of it. Axel leaned against the wall next to me. "If the flames don't kill us, the smoke will."

"And so we wait," I whispered, watching the flames inch their way over to us.

"Yeah," Axel's voice quivered. I felt a hand grab mine, squeezing the life out of it.

"Scared?" I asked, not looking over at him.

"I'm not going to lie: yes."

"That's ok. Me too." I squeezed his hand back and waited for death, but death was not quick. "Axel, you never told me why you kept me around. Why the change of heart?"

"I didn't want to be alone." _I already knew that._

"What else?" He said something but the roaring flames blocked it out. "You'll have to speak louder."

"I like you." It's always hard to tell someone you like them. I guess I half-expected Axel to see men that way too, but why pick me? _Why not pick me?_ "You aren't going to hate me now, are you?"

"If I was, then I wouldn't be holding your hand still."

Our whole conversation was to each other, but we were speaking to the flames. For the first time, something was directly said to me, "do you still want to die?"

I looked back at him, "yes, but only if it's with you."

He leaned in, closing the gap in between us, "what if I wanted to live?"

"Do you?"

"Life or death, I just want to be with you." He gave my hand an affectionate squeeze as he placed his lips on mine. I was pretty sure I wasn't gay but I guess I never really thought about it until the situation has confronted me. But now I know: love is love, regardless of gender.

We pulled away, but not much. Close enough where we could feel our words physically against each other's lips. "Axel," I whispered, putting my hand on his cheek to keep him close, "your ear's still bleeding."

"It doesn't hurt, I'll live," he joked, putting his arm around my waist. "You're getting a bit close to the fire."

"You're saving me from death?"

"Kinda. I just want to keep you a little longer for myself." Axel gave me another kiss but this time on the forehead.

I could feel my eye lids getting heavy. It seemed like the smoke was getting to my brain. Axel coughed, him too.

"Axel," I wheezed.

"Roxas," he called back.

"It might be three emotions too soon or maybe even three words too soon but…" I closed my eyes and felt my body fall against his.

I felt strong arms wrap around me and embrace not only my body but my spirit. "It's ok, you don't have to finish. I know how you feel…and I think I feel the same."

"Thank you," I coughed out, smiling. "Thank you for giving me this adventure."

"But Roxas," Axel's hand tilted my head up, I opened my eyes to see his greenish eyes, "it's not over."

"How so?"

My grim reaper let go of my face and grabbed my hand and squeezed it, "there's still _our_ life after death." And my grim reaper changed into my ethereal angel of death as he gave me one last kiss.

We kept our lips pressed together, fingers interlocked with each other as the roaring flames consumed our bodies and as well as our souls…

_...together._

_Chapter Eight:_

_The End_

* * *

Well, that was fun. I hope you enjoyed the ending as much as I did. (I wrote the ending after chapter three!!!!) Lots of hard work and planning went into this and it's finally over!!! But I recommend keeping me under an **author alert** for future stories and **reading my profile. **(You might learn something)

Please, **review**! They make me so happy! Thanks for reading! I'm glad to announce that A Hand To Pull the Trigger is complete!

_-Lady of the Cards-_

**P.S**

One last thing. I have to say thanks to my dear friend Aryll, again, for editing my story and getting rid of my stupid mistakes! **THANK YOU!**


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